Introduction

I found a book of Stanley Holloway monologues while browsing through my local library. i used to hear these on the old steam radio in the 40's & 50's and enjoyed reading them. I felt i could do something similar, and, as my wife and I are involved in Morris & Appalachian step/clog dancing I chose this theme.

Albert and The Morris Dancers

There's a place in the North they call Blackpool,
Famous for its Tower, and a zoo;
And Mr & Mrs Ramsbottom were goin' for t'day,
Takin' Albert, their son, along, too.

A grand little lad were young Albert,
In 'is 'oliday best 'e looked a swell.
Clutching a bucket an' spade wi' a wood 'andle,
The finest that Woolworths could sell.

They were off for a day trip to t'seaside
And 'oped for a day full o' fun,
With Kiss Me Quick 'ats, winkles an' shrimps
And deck chairs on the beach in the sun.

They were takin' a coach for the journey;
The ticket inspector made such a fuss!
'Til Albert poked 'im in t'groin wi' 'is spade,
When 'e lost interest an' got off the bus!

They stopped at a pub in the country,
And their eyes met an unusual sight.
A large crowd of strangely dressed people,
In clothin' bizarre and so bright.

There were men wearin' corduroy britches,
Wi' calf muscles bulgin', like rocks.
(But some were really quite skinny,
And had cheated and padded their socks!)

They wore weskits an' 'ats decked wi' flowers
And Pa thought "Eyup, they look a bit queer!"
'Til 'e saw 'ow they flirted wi' t'lasses,
And as 'ow they could put away t'beer!

They were all suppin' ale out o' tankards.
By Heck! They could put it away!
They drank like there were no tomorrow,
And looked set to do it all day!

One chap did a lot of shoutin',
'E 'ad whiskers an' a beard like fine wire.
'E wore a top 'at an' a coat wi' two tails,
Cos 'e were The Gaffer, The Squire.

Another chap were dressed like a dragon,
'E chased all the children, the tease.
'Til Albert poked 'im int'crotch wi' 'is spade,
An action St George sure to please!

There were a band wi' various instruments,
Fiddles, melodeons and a drum.
The tambourine player wasn't playin' that day,
'Cos 'e'd fallen an' injured 'is thumb!

Then the band were tuned up an' ready,
The dancers rarin' to go.
Wi' six men all clutchin' their 'ankies
Lined up three to a row.

The music it started and off they all went
Wi' a Rumpeety Tumpetty Thump!
An intricate pattern they danced all around
Wi' a hop an' an skip an' a jump!

Albert watched enthralled as they danced all about
To the music so light on the ear.
An' when they 'ad done they went off to the bar,
To top up their tankards wi' beer!

But they came out again with sticks in their 'ands
which on the ground an' then together they bashed,
And when they 'ad done, they went off at a run
And back into the pub they all dashed!

Well, they 'ad a good day out at Blackpool,
They went paddlin', reight up t' their knees!
They 'ad winkles an' shrimps and' other things, too,
Candy floss, fish 'n' chips, mushy peas!

But at last, day were done, an' the Ramsbottoms went 'ome,
And 'ad settled themselves down to tea,
When Albert announced to 'is bewildered folks,
A Morris Dancer 'e wanted t'be!

Copyright; Peter Booker
Email: PeterPAB747@aol.com