Introduction

Told from a woman's perspective, this poem introduces Marlene, an outwardly respectable woman with a dark secret!

From his book 'A Sportin' Life - A Collection of Stories Told in Verse' by Steve Morris - Lancashire

A Sportin' Life

I'm Marlene durin' office hours
In admin - Bradley's Bricks
Crosswords in mi dinner break
An' finish spot on six
I gets mi mum her shoppin' in
Sometimes I cooks her tea
An' then I'm home to Foxglove Avenue
Just seven cats an' me

Just seven cats an' me that is
Till the evenin's midway through
When I gets a gentleman caller round
An' some nights I gets two
But please, don't get the wrong idea
Romance aint in mi brief
I just do 'personal services'
For blokes what need relief

It's the blokes what need relief, ya see
That helps me pay the rent
An' where's the harm in cheerin' up
Some well heeled city gent?
Doctors, lawyers, VIP's
Mi diary's always packed
An' I've got this Chief Inspector chap
Who likes his bottom smacked

Oh he likes his bottom smacked alright
Wi' a rolled-up Sportin' Life
Then he'll sit an' show me photographs
Of his children an' his wife
She thinks he's down the snooker hall
Wi' a few o' the boys in blue
An' she cooks his kippers unawares
It's me what chalks his cue

I chalks the cue for quite a few
Provides their mid-week treat
Forty quid an' strictly cash
No refunds, no receipt
Oh aye! It seems peculiar
But I've learned to love this life
Don't fancy marryin' t' sort o' bloke
Who'd treat me like a wife

Treat me like a wife, the sod
Roll home at well gone nine
Wi' a tale of how his train broke down
Like hell! The lyin' swine
He's been wi' Little Miss Lingerie
Enjoyin' his Friday fling
While I'm off to bed wi' mi Ovaltine
Now that's what marriage'd bring

That's what marriage'd bring, it would
As well as the more mundane
Matchin' fair isle cardigans
An' holidays spent in Spain
Deckchairs on a well trimmed lawn
Of a Saturday afternoon
Him wi' his gardenin' cataloques out
An' me wi' a Mills an' Boon

Me wi' a Mills an' Boon? My arse!
I'll stick to what I do best
Chasin' the vicar around the settee
Wi' baby oil rubbed on his chest
So be careful if you consider yourself
An impeccable mother an' wife
It could be your Albert bent over mi knee
When I'm armed wi' mi Sportin'Life

Copyright; Steve Morris
Email: steve@howlingdog.info
Web Site: http://www.howlingdog.info