Introduction

He was under the influence, couldn't protest. Though his speed had been slowed to a trickle, this was clearly a case where a man shouldn't be operating a motor vehicle.

Dee Dubble-Yoo Eye

You've heard fish stories, many, but few can compare
with the citing for public intox-
ification of Thomas, a man who's as tall
as a mountain, and strong as an ox.

Coming home empty-handed from fishing all day,
with his boat safely hitched to his car,
bent on drowning his whistle instead of his hooks,
he stopped off at the neighborhood bar

In no proper condition to drive when he left,
Thomas still had the good sense to know
if he didn't take care of his boat, someone else
would relieve him of ownership. So ...

Big Tom cautiously, ploddingly went on his way
in a manner beyond all believing.
He was only a couple of blocks from his house
when an officer spotted him weaving.

With a flashing red light, he was signalled to stop
and, right there on the side of the road,
breathing into the bag, failed to point to his nose;
lost control of the trailer he towed.

He was under the influence, couldn't protest.
Though his speed had been slowed to a trickle,
this was clearly a case where a man shouldn't be
operating a motor vehicle.

Now it's twenty years later -- he's paid off the fine,
toes the line -- but the town is still talking
of the only occasion a man ever got
The Big Ticket while heading home, walking.

Copyright; Mary Sullivan
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