Introduction

Parents - Ever feel that the rugrats are ungrateful little grots?

Well here are some fun fantasies in verse - about how they
can be tamed, wha ha hahaaaaaaaaa!

Extremely Bad Advice for Parents

A curious way to spot parents
I'll tell you how, for free,
They're the people with photos in their wallets
Where their money used to be.

Teach children the value of money,
Remind them how much you've lost
On a very regular basis,
Tell them how much they've cost!

Give children every toy they want,
Don't let them nag you deaf,
They'll be so bored that when they grow up
They'll donate it all to UNICEF

When your kids are being quite naughty,
And playing up on you all day
Tell them they once had a brother...
The One that didn't obey!

Encourage your children's independence
They'll grow up strong women and men,
Make sure they get lost at the supermarket
Again and again and again ....

Some signs on cars say 'Mum's Taxi'
They really give me the fits,
Its wrongly worded anyway,
It's "Mum driven out of her wits"!

Another piece of advice for Mum,
When your child has a dirty face,
Water is a poor alternative to
Spit on a hanky of lace

If your child gets a question right,
Tell him "Boy, what a lucky guess!"
Then he'll always think himself LUCKY,
When he gets himself out of a mess.

I wrote this in my diary
words of wisdom straight from the heart
"The face of a child can say it all,"
Especially - the mouth part

Remember to get the family photos out
When they bring their mates around - then
Embarrass with their baby 'nudie' shots,
They'll never have friends over again.

When you're woken Sunday morning -
with another question from your kid
"Dad do you know where does rain come from?"
Tell him, "God's crying over something you did!"

If anything goes wrong with my parental advice
Remember it was given for free
I'll show you the photos in my empty wallet
I'm broke SO DON'T SUE ME!

Copyright; Lynette McCauley
Email: lynny@galaxycorp.com