Introduction
From his book 'Scunnered'

Flypaper

The title of this poem's misleadin',
it's not quite as it implies
for this is a thesis I've written
on the rules that govern houseflies
and one, I believe, worthy of note
that I've rigidly researched for days
and one that'll save energy and pounds
on flypapers, swattin' and sprays:

If there's half dozen flies in a kitchen
and each one's expunged by a swat
I guarantee in ten minutes or so
there'll be six more aviatin' that plot;
but if one has a mind to leave them
to their own devices and doom
come the end of the day it'll be the same
-a half dozen flies in the room.

So, I've concluded from this rigorous study
that houseflies have a law of their own
that stipulates 'only but always
six houseflies will occupy one zone,
be this a kitchen or bathroom
or a spareroom that's furnished with junk'
-so put away The Sun and the flyspray
and roll-up that flypaper gunk
for it's pointless expungin' these critters,
it's a complete waste of valuable resources;
so leave well alone -just be thankful
that horseflies fly and not horses.

Copyright; Ephraim Crud
Email: s.brotherton@btopenworld.com
Web Site: http://mysite.freeserve.com/EphraimCrud/