There's one of these guys in every office, every pub, even in every supermarket..............
He never wields a razor
never bothers with foam or hot towels,
his 'tache is disguising a weak upper lip
and his beards hiding pimples and jowls.
His stomach is grossly distended
tho' he can just about see his feet,
he balances mirrors upon his toes
to admire his 'three piece suite'.
He thinks he's 'Gods gift' to women
who're begging to be fondled and kissed,
needless to mention, to want his attention
you'd have to be 'Brahms and Liszt'.
He enjoys sneaking up on women
who are bending to reach the low shelves,
the lucky ones hear him coming
and automatically brace themselves.
It's not heavy breathing that alerts his prey
nor the sound of his feet as they land,
it's his excited heart audibly beating
like the bass of a 'heavy rock' band.
This bloke seems obsessed with Viagra
I think his libido is low,
but he must remember, both he and his member
are approaching the 'Big Five'O'.
He's started to ridicule women
one was nude, on all 4's on his mat
when he told his dog, "Prince, if you don't eat your mince,
you're gonna look just like that.
He's offered girls lifts home from parties
suggesting 'a bit of the other',
but most decline, they'd rather spend time
with Norman Bates .. and his 'mother'.