Grannie's Will

Copyright; Shirley Friend
From her book 'Road Floozie'

Mum was watching the soapies
when Aunt Millie rang this day.
Said she was going round to Grandma's
she was about to pass away.
I burst into tears with self pity.
Remembering as a kid ... her ways.
Wiping my nose on her apron
stiff from the other days.

Mum was choked ... grief stricken
Whimpered, sobbed out... "Get the van,
we've got to get round there ... before Millie does
Gran promised me ... the leather divan."
Uncle Charlie overtook us ... in his ute.
Gran only lived up the road
but her brother..with trailer..was already outside,
..driving away with a load.

I kissed Gran between new tontine pillows.
Had a job to find her at first.
Thought she was a fold ... in the sheets
without teeth ... it made it worse.
She had all her marbles tho'.
Straining. "Where's the rest of the pack?
I'm reading my will now I'm ill.
They can jolly well... put it all back."

Gran was slipping away in my arms
"I'm not feeling the best," she cried.
"Passed out raging at a party last night,
woke up and thought I'd died."
I knew she couldn't read her will
and mentioned ... you had to be dead.
"But I've named myself the executor."
She said, "I'll have to be alive when it's read."

"Now to Millie ... I'm leaving my best china ... cup
The white one on the sink.
It's held my spare teeth for many years.
You can throw them away now ... I think-
To Charlie, who swears, on the bible ...
Can have mine, he deserves the good book.
Your mum can have the cushions,
from the divan she brings back that she took.

"And to Jack, who thought he was my brother
but was left on the steps of St. Tim.
The police now know where to find the goods
and guess who dobbed you in.
The rest will go to my neighbour ... Will.
Though I admit to being seventy-five.
We had a good time the other night
and whatever was dead came alive."

Copyright; Shirley Friend