Introduction

Hell...Oh!

One Nine Two
"Hello, directory enquiries,
How can I help you?"
"I've been trying a certain number
And I can't seem to get through"
"Name Please"
"Insurance broker of high accreditation
Lucifer Beelzebub and Satan.."

Hell-o
Welcome to Lucifer, Beelzebub and Satan
Press 1 for a policy enquiry
Press 2 for a statement of payment
Press 3 for to hold indefinitely if you're a pestering claimant.

Thank you.. We at Lucifer Beelzebub and Satan
Ask you to continue to hold
and remind you we're not sorry to keep you waiting

"Hell-o, Which department can I transfer you to?"
"I'm not sure, my policy's run out and I would like to renew"
"Renew you say?"
"Yes Renew"
"Mmm you need the Customer department they'll explain the deal to you"
"Ill try to put you through"

"Hell-o, Customer department"
"Policy number or your name will do"
"Ah yes here we are the reception said you wanted to renew?"
"Yes Renew"
"Renew?"
"Yes damn you! RENEW!"
"There really is no need for sir to shout,
I'll transfer you to our legal bloke
He'll explain what your policies about."

"Hell-o, Legal department"
"Don't transfer me again
That music on hold is hell!"
"Sir you've not guessed who your broker is
You really cannot tell....

It does clearly state in your life insurance policy
In the small print under soul along from damnation be
Which I must point out is really the key,
you cannot ever renew your policy

However Sir, as you can see you may have grounds to appeal
As you haven't grasped the policy issues very well I feel
I'll transfer you to special cases,
They look at each case on an individual basis.

And as a special case
You will meet a representative face to face
Pencil you in for a quarter to eight
Tomorrow morning at the cemetery gate

I'll send a car
Oh and sir they don't like to be kept waiting
So don't be late
Well, anymore than you already are.

Copyright; Gordon Taylor
Email: gordontaylor01@hotmail.com