Funny Poems

Introduction

Here is a weird funny song I wrote a while ago, and to this day cannot put it to music - that makes it a poem.

I Am Just A Normal Guy But
All My Dreams Are Kinky

I'm just a normal guy, just as plain as one can be.
My Mum & Dad were average folks, & that's how they raised me
I don't understand it, it's to normal things I'm geared
By day my life is sane, but at night my dreams are weird

I'm just a normal fella who goes off to work each day
I do my job, lunch with my mates, each week collect my pay
But in the night I dread the bed, each night is just the same
Cause all my dreams are kinky, one overnight sick game.

I'm dressed in a G-string tied in a bow
There's a chicken in a garter belt, Oh God no!
Birds fly by and wolf whistle overhead
Don't roll over there's a roo in the bed ...

15 Strippers all in a row
All with bra-straps ready to blow
One pretty lady dancin' in my lap
Don't you touch or you'll get a nasty slap.

I'm just a normal guy, just as plain as one can be.
My Mum & Dad were average folks, & that's how they raised me
I think one day when I was small, Ma dropped me in the sink
By day I'm just a normal sod, by all my dreams are kinked

I'd like to have a girlfriend, but it just never does work out
We get on fine until they find what my night dreams are about
Then they drop me like a stone, they say they can't compete
With nude three-breasted women with vibrators on their feet

Hippos in tutus, hot oil & cream
Chains and whips all to make me scream
Lizards & snakes all in strange places
They're gettin' it on & making lewd faces

When dreaming the nightclubs everywhere
Are chock full of animals in underwear
Teddy Bears in teddies, wombats in hot pants
All we need now is a couple thousand ants

I'm just a normal guy, just as plain as one can be.
My Mum & Dad were average folks, & that's how they raised me
My life could be near perfect, my life could be real fun
If only when I slept the chorus girls weren't dressed like nuns

I went to see a famous shrink, to straighten out my head
I told him if I can't get fixed I might as well be dead
He laid me down & said "tell me of your erotic dreams"
I said "One feather is erotic, not whole chickens soaked in cream!"

There are female wrestlers all covered in jelly
Exotic dancers doing things with their bellies
A cute sexy lady, covered in mud
Whispers in my ear with the voice of Elmer Fudd

There are strong males strippers with bricks in their jocks
With all those square corners they couldn't be socks
This stuff all around me is one kinky dream
Whatever you imagine I'm sure to have a theme

I guess it is my lot to life, can't beat it so I'll join
I suppose that they are only dreams they don't even cost a coin
So if at night you happen to hear me in my sleep
Just think, "that lucky bugger, is dancing naked tending sheep."

I'm just a normal guy, just as plain as one can be.
My Mum & Dad were average folks, & that's how they raised me
I don't under stand it, it's to normal things I'm geared
By day my life is sane, but at night my dreams are weird

Copyright; 1998 S. L. (Woody) Meltcher