If I had a Rich Man

If I had a rich man,
Deiger deiger deidle deiger deidle deiger diedle dum,
All day long I'd sit upon my bum,
If I had a wealthy man …
I … wouldn't have to work hard,
Bugger rising early every day for work before the Sun,
If I had a really bloody rich,
Heavy wallet … Tiger of a man.

I'd trade my soul for wealth and trivial possessions,
I'd prostitute myself for jewels and gold,
A Maid … A Cook … A Gardener to mow my lawn.
My dogs and I would live … high on the hog,
Each day we would swim and run and play,
Sleep till lunch … and party until dawn.

I'd liberate myself from the Hippy Commune,
Buy a freehold block bordering a National Park,
With no-one else polluting my water supply,
No nosy neighbours straining their ears … then complaining,
About noise … every time I sneeze or fart …
Invading privacy … and spreading malicious lies.

If I had a rich man,
I'd get a truckload of VIAGRA so I wouldn't have to stray,
I'd hire a Nurse in case of Cardiac Arrest,
For when I put the VIAGRA to the test,
At first he'd believe that he'd been truly blessed,
If I had a wealthy man.!.!.!.

Copyright; Robyn Scott