Introduction

A variety of strange tales in limerick form.

Limerick Cocktail

An impatient young man in the city
Wed a girl who was buxom and pretty.
As the licence was signed
He remarked "When we've dined
We'll get down to the nitty and gritty."

A baker who traded in Duns
Would suffer at times from the "runs".
He'd remain in the loo
For a good hour or two
So he frequently burnt his buns.

A publican pulling his taps
Had a very unfortunate lapse.
When the barmaid complained
He replied "I am pained.
I thought you were one of the chaps."

There was a young man of Belize
Who entered a bank shouting "Freeze!"
The joke was ill-starred
For a slow-witted guard
Failed to spot it was only a tease.

There was a young girl who had hopes
Of becoming the new Marie Stopes.
When her boyfriend suggested
Techniques to be tested
She exclaimed "It's fun learning the ropes!"

There was a young fellow of Worcester
Who was woken each day by a rorcester.
He remarked "It is vain
If I try to complain
But it does doodle more than it orcester."

There was a young lady whose chest
Was acknowledged as one of the best.
She had no inhibitions
About competitions
Since she stood out from all of the rest.

A lady of Donaghadee
Climbed a mountain and slipped on some scree.
With her very last breath
As she fell to her death
She shouted "Don't book me for tea!"

A Scotsman who lived down in Wilts
Was prevented from walking on stilts.
He would lose all his poise
At the thought of small boys
Who might laugh when they looked up his kilts.

A native of far Anatolia
Was afflicted by deep melancholia.
When playing at cricket
He'd shout down the wicket
"I'll cry if you don't let me bolia."

Copyright; Joe Pamanian