Mary's Garden Party

Little Jack Horner, sat in the corner eating his Christmas pie,
He put in his thumb and pulled out a plum,
And said "What a good boy am I!"

Red Riding Hood said "I think you're ill bred,
To handle that plum in such fashion.
Your ignorance shows when you dip in your toes,
And wiggle them round with such passion!"

"I do so agree," said Bo Peep haughtily,
"My sheep all have far better manners.
They eat daintily just by copying me,
And on Sundays they use silver platters."

"I cannot recall where I heard so much bull"
Said Wee Willie Winkie, "It's true!"
"Your sheep all smell rotten, and don't wipe their bottoms,
And I'm not too sure about you!"

"You're too rude to pardon, get out of my garden!"
The contrary Mary then shouts,
"Your nightgown 's so thin, little hides there within,
And there's not much worth seeing without!"

And then sexily, someone says "You know me,
I'm the one who my baby did rock,
In the top of a tree, and they all laughed at me ,
But now they're all in for a shock!

Had no money back then. Just come out of the pen,
And couldn't afford to rent house.
So to set myself free, formed my own charity,
And I now own this lovely penthouse!

So I'll take you to town, and we'll buy a nightgown,
Then we will go back to my place....."
Humpty Dumpty then said, "You two make me see red !
This whole thing is a ruddy disgrace!"

2.

"Oh how righteous of you!" countered Little Boy Blue,
As his eyes fell on Wee Willie's candle,
"We know what you paid when you first got new laid,
And you'll find it no yolk to be scrambled!"

Then The Grand Duke of York, poked his pie with his fork,
And said to the pie-man, "Smells good!"
And the pie-man replied, "There's a blackbird inside,
And some mushrooms I found in the wood."

"It tastes so good too, let me compliment you."
The Grand Duke of York so confided.
As he nodded his head, the pie-man then said,
"That's what Tom said to me 'fore he dieded!"

Copyright; David Clements