The Doctor's Sorry Tale

Doctor Foster went to Gloucester in a shower of rain,
He didn't want to go there but got hooked up by a crane!
As he bent down to tie his shoe, a tow-truck passing near him,
With swinging hook engaged his pants. The driver didn't hear him!

It whisked him off at lightning speed, considerably distressed,
Towards the large blue sign which read "To Reading and the West"
Along the motorway he swung at legal speed and over,
Which angered him enormously. His girlfriend lived in Dover!

He waved his arms at motorists who came up to his rear,
They'd gaily toot their horns at him before they'd disappear.
He tried to grab a ladies thigh, on pillion she was riding,
She hit him with her studded glove and gave him quite a hiding!

A rattling school bus passed close-by, crammed full with pimply youth,
Who acted like young hooligans if you must know the truth.
They pelted him with apple cores, with jibes and jeering laughter,
As he swung helpless on his chain, a jibbering piñata!

When east of Swindon they turned off on roads that were quite twisty,
And as the sun set in the west, it soon grew wet and misty.
As he swung through a narrow bend he struck an aging yokel,
Who landed in the village pond and then became quite vocal!

And finally near Gloucester town, they took a sharp right-hander,
His underpants gave up the fight and like The Lunar Lander,
He flew off sideways from the hook and cleared two garden walls,
To finish on a washing line, entwined in frilly smalls!

They took him to the hospital to treat him for exposure,
But none believed his sorry tale, his ordeal wasn't over.
The lady who discovered him to one reporter said,
"That pervert with no trousers, wore my knickers on his head!".

And later as he crept away in fear they might arrest him,
He realized his predicament in what the nurse had dressed him.
The theatre gown has attributes all surgeons hold so dear,
But leaves a lot to be desired in covering the rear!

2.

The headlights lit up his retreat as he ran down the lane.
The lady driver called the cops and started to complain,
"It's shocking he was naked hanging on my washing line,
But now I've seen his tender side I want that man as mine!"

He hid inside a horse trailer that he found parked quite near,
And burrowed under piles of straw, to make him disappear.
The straw was warm and comfortable, this wasn't bad at all!
But his assessment floundered when he heard them load the bull!

Next morning at the local court, he stupidly confessed,
To trespassing and fleeing nude, great copy for the press.
The tabloids bought the story then, their headlines telling how,
"Nude Doctor Sheds Lace- Knickers-Hat To Beat-Up Friendly Cow!"

They bound him over for a week and then they set him free,
To face humiliation and his notoriety.
For when he reached his surgery his partners yelled "Resign!
We don't intend to hurry you, five minutes will be fine!"

And so with reputation gone and future looking grim,
He works nights at McDonalds where he's known as "Streaker Jim"
Yes Doctor Foster went to Gloucester in a shower of rain,
But swears on his Big Mac and fries, he won't go there again!

Copyright; David Clements