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Introduction
I
wrote this poem in blood on the bathroom tiles after finding out that
the safety razor I was using to shave my legs had suddenly turned into
a chain saw.
I rang up the blood bank, but apparently they don't take it with belly
button fluff and toe nail clippings.
You can read more of my Alternative Odes at www.laughterlines.net
Unwanted
Hair
When we're
born our small bodies are perfect
Whether our skin's dark or fair
It's only much later we get in a state
When our follicles start growing hair
On your head
well you probably have some
and over that you have some control
You can cut it or wave it, perm it or shave it
without too much fuss on the whole
But hair is
a fast growing substance
be it blond be it black grey or red
be it natural or styled but what drives me wild
is it doesn't just grow on your head
When you're
thirteen you're desperate to have some
To show you got puberty right
so you check every hour, in the bath, in the shower
and in bed with a torch late at night
By your twenties
it's started to bore you
shaving your legs takes such time
you cut and you hack but the stuff still grows back
and the worst is the bikini line
It grows back
like a beard if you shave it
so you make an appointment for waxing
If you've never before had your skin peeled 'til raw
you might find this experience taxing
You are in
the hands of a sadist
as you lie on your back on the bed
she's rough and she's careless the result will be hairless
and swollen and sore and bright red
Out you limp
looking like a plucked chicken
glancing under your arms as you're dressing
suppressing a scream you decide to buy cream
coz the waxing thing's just too depressing
Later in life
it's not better
Just when you're getting a grip
When you're looking your best it sprouts from your chest
down your nostrils and it coats your top lip
Well you've
tried everything on the market
but enough is enough so it's said
so to save all the mess you start to cross dress
buy a trilby and you call yourself Fred
Copyright;
Liz Garrad
Web Site: http://www.laughterlines.net
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