To win a man's heart and mind. You must think of them like shares.

A middle aged, sad bloke writes a letter to Santa in the hope a having a buxom lass delivered down the chimney! Note: This poem was created in Lancashire - UK (It helps if you imagine the accent!)

I don't have an ego problem I'm just a handsome brute.

Charlie and Fred had been shearing sheep, till the shed cut out last week, So they stopped at the pub for a beer or two, You know how it goes, oh I'm sure you do,....

At first he called me The Goddess of Abundance, but later I was The All Consuming Devouring She-Beast who ravaged and absorbed his sense of "self"!

What do men and women REALLY do in the 'mile high club'?

Young Paddy worked as a builder's lad, He was a bit simple ..... and everyone knew; ......

There's one of these guys in every office, every pub, even in every supermarket..............

Here is a weird funny song I wrote a while ago, and to this day cannot put it to music - that makes it a poem.

Of course I love ya darling You're a bloody top notch bird And when I say yur gorgeous I mean every single word ....

I'm glad I'm a man, you better believe. I don't live off of yogurt, diet coke, or cottage cheese I don't bitch to my girlfriends about the size of my breasts. I can get where I want to - north, south, east or west.....

An itch to be scratched - A lust unmatched - An empty bed - "Let's go!" she said....

I wuz down in Brisbane Frid’y week an’ went ter see the quack... I reckon it wuz time to take it easy; I don’t want you people thinkin’ I’m a hy-pro-chon-diac But jus’ lately I bin feelin’ kinda queasy;....

Had surgery below the belt, and my doctor said to me..........

Does anyone else find it odd that male strippers even exist?

Can't live with them........

For some, all it takes is a man in the sack. But a man in a toolbelt is my aphrodisiac...

I've been thinking of joining a men's group I've heard they can be lots of fun And if we've all been fightin' for our equal rights here Then I can't see why I can't join one?

He leaves the cap off the toothpaste; He never makes the bed; He drops his undies on the floor; And spends far too much time in his shed....

I have a fear of flying, Or anything to do with flight; Because of my anticipation, My will I sit down to write.

How can you doubt that I love you? Didn't I marry you, eh? And though I don't say it too often, I show it in all sorts of ways.....

You turn me on, you handsome hunk With your sunken, hairless chest In your skinny white arms I feel safe from all harm Oh yes, yes, yes, yes, yes! ...

When I was a little boy Snuggled safe in bed They said I should play with my soldiers..

They stood at the gate: "Have you worked of late?" Said the farmer to the tramp. "Yeah ... had a good job ... uster pay ten bob ... But then I had t'decamp ...

From today, I'd like you all to refer to me as Kurt Xerox...

We all think we know how to fix those little problems around the house, don't we? It couldn't possibly be that hard!

She was being tried for murder "It was self defence", she claimed, "Circumstances happened And I really can't be blamed". The jury listened closely: .....

The TV wouldn't bloody work, I thought that I would die, when hubby piped up come to bed, with a twinkle in his eye. ...

I didn't get a drinking glass, I didn't get a pen; I didn't get a bunch of flowers From that lousy bunch of men.

Tennis never was my sport, But I love to watch them playing; Swinging hard an arm and racquet, Such natural skills displaying....

Now I'm old and feeble, And my pilot light is out, What used to be my sex appeal Is now my water spout...

When I walked into the Barber Shop, the Barber was a different gent I saw the sign on the wall which read "Under New Management"...

Our beer Which art in bottles Hallowed be thy sport ...

He's standing there with pie and sauce And dribbling in a Four-X beer, His beer-gut is on show of course, He relives days out hunting deer ...

As I stick my sweaty arm up the vagina of a cow ... ... I think of your moist, warm lips ... and wish you were here now. The warm and friendly feeling of a cow turd on the ground ... ... Reminds me of your gentle warmth I feel all year 'round.

Ah! remember the good old family camping trips!

I am always hearing from men that they will NEVER understand women. Well guys, here's the reason why !

The demon alcohol can strike at any time, even when we'd rather it didn't.

I rang the C.E.S. and said, "Slap me up an ad I can't run this farm myself, I need some help real bad!

I strike a thinking pose to draw the burden from my chest, and tangle in the cobwebs borne through lack of stimuli and zest, you see, I'm unemployed, I have no hook on which to hang my hat, I'm now soaking up the days and nights like the average family cat. ...

(Everyone's met this person at some time during their life)

With due respect to Robert Frost, I wrote this parody to extentuate consequences in the choices we makem

A lady walked into the room to show hubby her new dress, She was a rather large lady - around forty two in the chest. The dress was cut really low - showed off her feminine shape, .....

I thought of this poem after I made a COMPLETE fool of myself, flirting with someone who wasn't intersted in me---or even my sex!!

Who did you say you were? King of the world! Oh, I'm so sorry sir You're no longer of any use here Jake the fake with the extra leg Stalker with a stalk ...

The long years took their toll on Jim until the joyful day that all his workmates cornered him and one was heard to say "Our syndicate's won lotto, mate....

A tribute to our ancestors if you will, about urban men still retaining their masculinity in the great outdoors!

This is a poem all about what it feels like when your boyfriend moves into your life.

.....poor old married blokes.....

Young Men are delicious, Healthy, virile and strong, With smooth skin, a firm fleshy arse, And hair growing where it belongs. Somewhere between adolescence and a mid-life crisis,..