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Men Poems

Men Poems

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A Portfolio of Men to Sell Alan Anthony Moodycott

To win a man's heart and mind. You must think of them like shares.

A Seasonal Request Steve Morris

A middle aged, sad bloke writes a letter to Santa in the hope a having a buxom lass delivered down the chimney! Note: This poem was created in Lancashire - UK (It helps if you imagine the accent!)

As If Lindsay Steinhardt

I don't have an ego problem I'm just a handsome brute.

Charlie's Patch Patricia Markey

Charlie and Fred had been shearing sheep, till the shed cut out last week, So they stopped at the pub for a beer or two, You know how it goes, oh I'm sure you do,....

Dumping the GoddessLena Davids

At first he called me The Goddess of Abundance, but later I was The All Consuming Devouring She-Beast who ravaged and absorbed his sense of "self"!

Eight Thousand Metres Up David Peetz

What do men and women REALLY do in the 'mile high club'?

Four be TwoIan Mackay

Young Paddy worked as a builder's lad, He was a bit simple ..... and everyone knew; ......

God's GiftSandy

There's one of these guys in every office, every pub, even in every supermarket..............

I Am Just A Normal Guy But... (Ex Top Ten) (Woody) Meltcher

Here is a weird funny song I wrote a while ago, and to this day cannot put it to music - that makes it a poem.

I Love Ya Darling Author Unknown

Of course I love ya darling You're a bloody top notch bird And when I say yur gorgeous I mean every single word ....

I'm Glad I'm a Man Author Unknown

I'm glad I'm a man, you better believe. I don't live off of yogurt, diet coke, or cottage cheese I don't bitch to my girlfriends about the size of my breasts. I can get where I want to - north, south, east or west.....

Itchy (Ex Top Ten) Marco Gliori

An itch to be scratched - A lust unmatched - An empty bed - "Let's go!" she said....

Itís Somethiní In Me Genes Charlee Marshall

I wuz down in Brisbane Fridíy week aní went ter see the quack... I reckon it wuz time to take it easy; I donít want you people thinkiní Iím a hy-pro-chon-diac But jusí lately I bin feeliní kinda queasy;....

Lesson Learned
Fran Masat

Had surgery below the belt, and my doctor said to me..........

Male Stripper
Matt Haught

Does anyone else find it odd that male strippers even exist?

MEN Anita MacGillis

Can't live with them........

Men In ToolbeltsDonna Vickodil

For some, all it takes is a man in the sack. But a man in a toolbelt is my aphrodisiac...

Men's Groups Arcadia Flynn

I've been thinking of joining a men's group I've heard they can be lots of fun And if we've all been fightin' for our equal rights here Then I can't see why I can't join one?

My Husband Sue Taylor

He leaves the cap off the toothpaste; He never makes the bed; He drops his undies on the floor; And spends far too much time in his shed....

My Will I Write Before The Flight Wally J. Kenworthy & Mark Feldman

I have a fear of flying, Or anything to do with flight; Because of my anticipation, My will I sit down to write.

Of Course I Love You (Ex Top Ten) Janine Haig

How can you doubt that I love you? Didn't I marry you, eh? And though I don't say it too often, I show it in all sorts of ways.....

Only You!Arcadia Flynn

You turn me on, you handsome hunk With your sunken, hairless chest In your skinny white arms I feel safe from all harm Oh yes, yes, yes, yes, yes! ...

Private Play (Ex Top Ten) Alan Corkish

When I was a little boy Snuggled safe in bed They said I should play with my soldiers..

Redundant Graham Fredriksen

They stood at the gate: "Have you worked of late?" Said the farmer to the tramp. "Yeah ... had a good job ... uster pay ten bob ... But then I had t'decamp ...

Reinvention Stephen Cree

From today, I'd like you all to refer to me as Kurt Xerox...

Rumble Russ (Ex Top Ten) Stringybark

We all think we know how to fix those little problems around the house, don't we? It couldn't possibly be that hard!

Self Defence Janine Haig

She was being tried for murder "It was self defence", she claimed, "Circumstances happened And I really can't be blamed". The jury listened closely: .....

Sleeping Beauty Barbara Warnock

The TV wouldn't bloody work, I thought that I would die, when hubby piped up come to bed, with a twinkle in his eye. ...

Stuff the Masons Lisa Gerhard Plucknett

I didn't get a drinking glass, I didn't get a pen; I didn't get a bunch of flowers From that lousy bunch of men.

Tennis Trouble David J O'Sullivan

Tennis never was my sport, But I love to watch them playing; Swinging hard an arm and racquet, Such natural skills displaying....

That For The Blokes (Ex Top Ten) Author Unknown

Now I'm old and feeble, And my pilot light is out, What used to be my sex appeal Is now my water spout...

The Barber From Hell Neil McArthur

When I walked into the Barber Shop, the Barber was a different gent I saw the sign on the wall which read "Under New Management"...

The Boy's Prayer Author Unknown

Our beer Which art in bottles Hallowed be thy sport ...

The Bronze Aussie MaleGraham Fredriksen

He's standing there with pie and sauce And dribbling in a Four-X beer, His beer-gut is on show of course, He relives days out hunting deer ...

The Bush Romantic Mark Feldman

As I stick my sweaty arm up the vagina of a cow ... ... I think of your moist, warm lips ... and wish you were here now. The warm and friendly feeling of a cow turd on the ground ... ... Reminds me of your gentle warmth I feel all year 'round.

The Camp Fire Stringybark

Ah! remember the good old family camping trips!

The Fairer Sex! Choochyface

I am always hearing from men that they will NEVER understand women. Well guys, here's the reason why !

The Function! Amin Sane

The demon alcohol can strike at any time, even when we'd rather it didn't.

The Gay Farm Hand (Ex Top Ten) Neil McArthur

I rang the C.E.S. and said, "Slap me up an ad I can't run this farm myself, I need some help real bad!

The Jam of a Modern Man (Part 1) Rob Swales

I strike a thinking pose to draw the burden from my chest, and tangle in the cobwebs borne through lack of stimuli and zest, you see, I'm unemployed, I have no hook on which to hang my hat, I'm now soaking up the days and nights like the average family cat. ...

The Lousy Rotten Bastard! Jacqueline H Bridle

(Everyone's met this person at some time during their life)

The Man Not Taken akaPEACHES

With due respect to Robert Frost, I wrote this parody to extentuate consequences in the choices we makem

The New Dress Ron Selby

A lady walked into the room to show hubby her new dress, She was a rather large lady - around forty two in the chest. The dress was cut really low - showed off her feminine shape, .....

The Perfect Man Alota Fagina

I thought of this poem after I made a COMPLETE fool of myself, flirting with someone who wasn't intersted in me---or even my sex!!

What The Women's Liberatoinists... Violet Volcano

Who did you say you were? King of the world! Oh, I'm so sorry sir You're no longer of any use here Jake the fake with the extra leg Stalker with a stalk ...

When Your Numbers Are UpBrian Bell

The long years took their toll on Jim until the joyful day that all his workmates cornered him and one was heard to say "Our syndicate's won lotto, mate....

Where The Naked Men Squat Dave Larson

A tribute to our ancestors if you will, about urban men still retaining their masculinity in the great outdoors!

You Know He's Moved In When.......... Liz Garrad

This is a poem all about what it feels like when your boyfriend moves into your life.

You Men David G Robbins

.....poor old married blokes.....

Young Men
Robyn Scott

Young Men are delicious, Healthy, virile and strong, With smooth skin, a firm fleshy arse, And hair growing where it belongs. Somewhere between adolescence and a mid-life crisis,..

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