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| A Legend Revisited | Ian Mackay | ||
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There was movement in the carpark, for the word had passed around, That the trolley from Nambour Woolies had got away; And had joined the wild street trolleys, it was nowhere to be found, And all the trolley boys had gathered to the fray.... |
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| And Murphy Raised His Head | Helen Iles | ||
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.There's a saying said when things go wrong, and go wrong more and more, It's said the most by fatalists - they call it 'Murphy's Law'. |
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| Australia Day Plea | Evan Elpus | ||
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I've just seen 'Pride and Prejudice', but feel no great compunction To swan around a vicarage, with tea and cakes for luncheon; Though buying oil from Saudis, we decline to put their robes on, And as for German influence - do you wear lederhosen? ... |
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Bert's
Plight 
(Ex Top Ten) |
Barbara Warnock | ||
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Now Bert's a lonely Pommy working on a building site, all the other blokes ignore him was this to be Bert's plight. |
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| Big Bad Poo | Mark Feldman | ||
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This poem/song was the deliberate act of a very sick, sad, perverse mind at 3.00 AM in the morning on a very dark night. An equally perverted friend who shall remain nameless at this point in time had inspired it and asked me to complete the song as a joke. Unfortunately for the general public, I did complete the song and have performed it by request at various comedy venues. To my complete shocked surprise and horror, it has become a popular item on the agenda. I include it here so that maybe some others can learn it and perform it and save my singing voice for the lower bowels of anonymity where it belongs. |
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| City Wallys and Flat Hats | Roger Harcourt | ||
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A bit of light hearted fun poked at city slickers posing as bushies... |
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| Cursed By A Rotten Day | James Consiglio | ||
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Just a compilation of all bad things that may make you wish you stayed in bed this day! |
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| Edna | Scott Emmons | ||
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When Edna cooks, she always looks...... |
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| Farmer's Wife Behind Bars | Pamela L. Dow | ||
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A horrific crime has rocked the characters of Mother Goose Land. |
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| Final Thoughts of a Deluded Man | Neil O'Hara-Smith | ||
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Michelle Pfieffer, a weak heart, and an overactive imagination. Bad combination. |
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| First Rejoinder to The Gay Farmhand | Alan Weinstein | ||
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I'm deeply offended , I'm shaking with rage. You've published 'Gay Farmhand', despite the 'New Age' |
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| General Dwight Eisenhower Enters Heaven | Tad Lawson | ||
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A tall, imposing figure of a man With shades and corncob pipe and suit of military tan. |
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| Grannie's Trannie | Margaret Glendenning | ||
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Since Grannie tuned her trannie to a wee small hours D.J., She's learning, on an average, six new words a day! When she used her new found knowledge to express her point of view The pot plants all keeled over and the atmosphere burned blue! |
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| How Paddy Stole The Rope | Author Unknown | ||
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There was once two Irish labouring men; to England they came over; They tramped about in search of work from Liverpool to Dover. |
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| I Had Shot The President... | Neil O'Hara-Smith | ||
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I had shot the president...a famous cop was on my tail... |
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| Is It Fresh? | Peter Maloney | ||
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Settle back gently, And nourish your drink, While I tell you a story, Makes you stop, makes you think.... |
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| Jane Elahi | Charlee Marshall | ||
| Me name is Jane Elahi an' I'm livin' pretty rough, I ain't no playboy pin-up... but I couldn't give a stuff...... | |||
| Jesus The Healer | Brian Bell | ||
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The Lord looked down upon the world and saw things weren't too good. His word had been forgotten or at best misunderstood. ... |
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| Labels of Babel | David Hallett | ||
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there's hippies & yuppies & greenies and hippies & yuppies & greenies... and hippies & yuppies & greenies & Kooris & junkies & drinkies, ... |
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| MeeM | Paul Bearer | ||
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Send in the clones. I've not been feeling myself recently! |
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| Modern Cyber-Netizen's Song | Marcus Bales | ||
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I am the very model of a modern cyber-netizen All logic I dispense with, and all taste and manners jettison; |
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| Mona
Lisa
(Ex Top Ten) |
Laurie Meintjes | ||
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The REAL reason for Mona Lisa's enigmatic smile..... |
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| Mr. Tidwell's Soul | Ginger Wiegman | ||
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I knew he was perfectly capable of such a crime..... |
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| Nicknames | Noel Stallard | ||
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You wonder why our parents bother giving us a name, As people change the ones we get so nothing is the same. An Anthony becomes Tony and Michael, Mike or Mick, And Joseph always ends of Joe, all Richard gets is Dick.... |
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| Ode To Me | Gordon Costello | ||
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All About How Great I Art! |
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| One Ugly Dog | Wally Finch | ||
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"Davo" Davidson had a dog that was the meanest thing around. No one knew what breed he was. We just called him "that mongrel hound" ... |
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| Paganini! | Scott Emmons | ||
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That fiddle's got the devil in it! |
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| Potty Trouble! | Gunjan Saraf | ||
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Indoor trouble for outdoor people. |
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| Road Rage | Stephen Cree | ||
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Narrowly avoiding a road traffic accident of my own making... |
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| Road Sage | Evan Elpus | ||
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As hanging out wet clothing Brings rain from sunny sky; As focusing your loathing Means headaches, by and by;… |
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| Road
Works Ahead!
(Ex Top Ten) |
Stanley Brown | ||
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What can I do with 'Enry? |
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Rumble Russ
(Ex Top Ten) |
Stringybark | ||
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We all think we know how to fix those little problems around the house, don't we? It couldn't possibly be that hard! |
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Skasey Of the Overdraft
(Ex Top Ten) |
Author Unknown | ||
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They had issued him a warrant which they had in light of current Knowledge, sent to where he's holed up in Majorca on his arse, He was fleeing from a debt, about the size of the alphabet So Vanstone got in touch with 'Skasey, of The Overdraft'... |
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| St. George And The Dragon | Weston & Lee | ||
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Some folks'll boast about their family trees, And there's some trees they ought to lop; But our family tree, believe me, goes right back, You can see monkeys sitting on top! ... |
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| Stuff the Masons | Lisa Gerhard Plucknett | ||
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I didn't get a drinking glass, I didn't get a pen; I didn't get a bunch of flowers From that lousy bunch of men. |
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| Tale Of A Telephone | Patricia Markey | |||
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I hope you can spare a minute or two to listen to my story. I was in the shower the other day, in all my natural glory, when through the sound of the waterfall, I thought I heard the phone,... |
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| The Barber From Hell | Neil McArthur | |||
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When I walked into the Barber Shop, the Barber was a different gent I saw the sign on the wall which read "Under New Management"... |
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| The City Farmer | Garth Madsen | |||
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Now Nigel was a city boy From Fitzroy toe to hair. The pavement was his garden, The diesel fumes his air, ... |
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| The College Ball | Noel Stallard | |||
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Each year our schools combined to have, the Catholic College Ball, It was agreed it would be held, at St. Joey's Parish Hall. For weeks before the boys had asked, the girls could they befriend, And every night from six till eight, dance practice they'd attend.... |
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| The Dead Skunk | Leighton B Watts | |||
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Did I ever tell you the story of the dead skunk on the road? He was lying there on his left side, his mortal coil had shucked its load .... |
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The
Indian & The Paper 
(Ex Top Ten) |
Mark Feldman | ||
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Of all the accents among the peoples of the world, one of my very favourite is Indian. So it was that I had to tell the story of a poor gentleman who had travelled from Calcutta to the Woodford Folk Festival, but found ill-fortune with a certain product he had purchased at the supplies store. |
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| The Instant Message Stalker | Elizabeth Lindberg | |||
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A pest Im'd me today.... |
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| The Grapevine | Michael Crane | |||
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Eric thought he was going insane so he told his best friend Wayne who told Sally his girl... |
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| The Late Riser | Alan Glover | |||
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Don't wake me up. Just 'cause you're awake. Don't wake me up. Don't call me, don't shake.... |
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| The Lawyer's Lament | David Peetz | |||
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I'll tell yer of what 'appened as I walked along me way Through the local park out on a bright an' sunny day I chance upon a friend of mine, a friend who's far from poor ... |
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| The
Manager
(Ex Top Ten) |
Brian Bell | |||
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I'd like to see the manager'. I heard the farmer say While I was working in a bank, Out Oodnadatta way. Silence, as the clerk in charge.... |
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| The 'Most 'Popular 'Bloke In The 'Pub | Neil McArthur | ||
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The Abattoir was closing, the management went broke So redundancies were handed out to each and every bloke .... |
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| The Ringer's Revenge | Warren Dakin | ||
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This came to me after seeing some of the Jerry Springer Show one day. Funny thing is, I have never watched the whole show, about five minutes is all I can stand. |
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| The Story of Panhandle Pete, Part 1 | Sheila Malone | ||
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While Hippy Ron built gear, Pelican Bob went for beer And, of course, the rest of the supplies. Pete and Sam went along, too-they had some other things to do To be ready to leave by sunrise. |
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| The
Sunday Mass-Acre
(Ex Top Ten) |
Mark Feldman | ||
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I was asked to write a poem to mark the 70th anniversary of the Catholic Church in my old home town of Woodford. I decided that I would approach it in a different manner than using purely historical facts. After all, the truth can get in the way of a darn good story. After thinking back over some of the many incidents which have occurred over the years in this friendly little country parish, I ad-libbed a bit, chucked in a small dose of poetic license, and produced "The Sunday Mass-acre," which was published in the celebratory book of the church's anniversary. So far, I haven't been excommunicated. So far... |
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| The Sun Worshipper | Michael Potter | ||
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I
sit and pen this little poem, About two people. You might know 'em. Lyn's
sixteen, sexy. |
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| The View From the Loo | Tad Lawson | ||
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Though England and America Are so together hung It's often said we're separated By a common tongue. |
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| Vic The Vagrant | Stephen Cree | ||
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Vic the vagrant wasn't fragrant but he didn't care... |
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| Voices
In My Head
(Ex Top Ten) |
Murray Hartin | ||
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On a bus bound for Toowoomba I was tryin’ to have a sleep I was nicely into dreamland after countin’ forty sheep But my dreams soon turned to nightmares,... |
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| Viking Blood | Larry Webster | ||
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It is greatly to my liking, To be a lusty Viking; Yes, that's the only life for me.... |
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| Welcome to Roswell | Jack Smith | ||
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I wonder if aliens ever take vacations or holidays? |
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All
poetry is copyright by the individual authors.
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