You've rung the Melbourne offices of No-One's Ever Here; Please leave your name and number and then kindly disappear.

In his quest for an energy bill Mr. Bush went to Capitol Hill.

This expresses my frustration at a profound shift in society which can be seen in politics, work, the media and relationships. It is making a lot of people less happy, and I'm too stroppy not to whinge about it!

President Bill Clinton was a better student of the OED than anyone gave him credit for. Here's why.

Ring ring. "Hello, Peter?" "Yes." "It's Al Qaeda here." "Give up now! All hope is lost! We've even destroyed your communications!" "Ha! No chance!...I've got your phonecard!"

NOW THEY'RE TELLING US HOW TO EAT!!!

I don't think pollution affects us, So drive your Mercedes or Lexus!

"You only die once," she said. Plus 10% for GST.

She's back, she's back! Pauline is back! Oh Pauline, are you really there?......

George Bush on the telephone. This poem was written as fantasy but it looks like coming true.

It doesn't matter who you vote in, they will ALL still take your money.

.I'll tell of the Battle of Hastings, As happened in days long gone by, When Duke William became King of England, And 'arold got shot in the eye. ...

This unsung hero of the free press keeps editors and public servants on their "toes" with his bold opinions...

A flatulence tax on cattle and sheep, Another rip-off to make us all weep. Preserving the ozone at any expense, It's all propaganda that doesn't make sense.

Arnold plays his most important role ever as he takes over the job of senator. What's next for the state of California?

'Hello, Puss! Hey!, Sweetie Puss is getting rather fat!' Dad promptly switched attention from the T.V. to the cat, Sweetie Puss purred smugly, her gently rounded tum Proclaimed to all and sundry she was soon to be a Mum,

Queenslanders don't just do it once, they do it twice, three times, four times ... especially when the electoral roll is full of people who don't really live at their address.