During a long distance phone call to a friend in South america, the subject of men, relationships and love arose. My friend said (in her thick accent) "Don't worry darlink...all you need is 'appiness" I think this is what she meant….

She took a deep breath as she paused in her stride, Her lips slowly parted, her eyes opened wide.

A middle aged, sad bloke writes a letter to Santa in the hope a having a buxom lass delivered down the chimney! Note: This poem was created in Lancashire - UK (It helps if you imagine the accent!)

You can't blame all of Mary's problems on an 'innocent' little lamb.

Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray for a man who's not a creep. One who's handsome, smart and strong. Who's not afraid to admit when he is wrong...

All I want for Christmas is a pair of nice young men, A football team . League or Union . I don't mind, ...

I accept that I'm abnormal, That is ... different from the rest, Unlike most other robots, I put normality to the test, Being born a female,...

While ruffles and lace certainly have their place...

A beauty stood on a balcony high, Sneezed and lost her blue glass eye. A young man walking down The Strand Caught the flashing eye-ball one hand....

Here is a weird funny song I wrote a while ago, and to this day cannot put it to music - that makes it a poem.

If I had a rich man, Deiger deiger deidle deiger deidle deiger diedle dum, All day long I'd sit upon my bum, If I had a wealthy man … I … wouldn't have to work hard, ...

I'm pissed off about GST and having to pee in the middle of the night...

I wrote this when my sister complained that she was fed up with being single. She happened to mention that she'd joined an internet dating agency...

I'm thirty six and single Children? not a one "Half your luck"...I hear you say, "I'll bet you're having fun!" ...

One of the strange people I met......

like, at first, I tried not to notice her she was lovely, lovable, loved everybody loved her I didn't want to notice her ....

Have you had that one night stand from hell? The one that you didn't notch on your belt out of shame and sheer embarrassment? Here's the play-by-play of the night that will cause you to remember EVERYTHING all over again!

I have always threatened that it was dangerous to go out with a poet - and this proves that danger lies in the immortality of an attempt to pick one up!

She wanted embroidered on pants and her bra a message that told him that he'd gone too far....

Trying to impress on a first date? Do not try this.

.You know what it's like? you're home alone..You have this..um..urge..to..Well, you call her, and she's happy...she's very happy to hear your voice.

When I was a little boy Snuggled safe in bed They said I should play with my soldiers..

Dolores had been on her own for a while, since Herbie had cashed in his chips. Just lately, a friend gave Dolores a pup, returning a smile to her lips....

I want to go to Scotland I want to find a man with hairy legs and chest and face no blond, blue eyes and tan with muscles on his muscles a strapping kind of lad with kilt and great big sporran that would make me glad! ....

I saw her in a crowded bar I worshipped her from afar Her rose tattoo with a star...

Oh Hell! … I'm starting to think like a man, I'm considering the prospect of getting a wife, A someone to do all of those things, Mundane or trivial in my life,....

I'm in the market for a Sugar Daddy, A geriatric with silver grey hair, A prosperous respectable senior citizen, A charming sweet man … to escort me everywhere,....

Hey! You! Yeah, you with that "I've got nearly enough on my plate but I'd like a serving of you dressed in nothing more than massage oil" look in your eyes.....

I've been to marriage guidance counsellors, I've had my tarot read, Observed the books on love and sex, and done all what they said. ....

Who said old ladies were past it?

It took me three weeks to build up the steam. To speak to the woman I see in my dreams. She's beautiful, humorous, smart, caring. And every day I catch myself staring.

I thought of this poem after I made a COMPLETE fool of myself, flirting with someone who wasn't intersted in me---or even my sex!!

Audrey was a spinster with a 'man hunt' on her mind. She'd set her eyes on Henry, just moved in the flat behind......