Women Poems

 

Women Poems

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A Load Of Bull Patricia Markey

Down in Louisiana, there was a newly formed cattle spread, run by two lady ranchers, one was blonde and one was red. The redhead took their stake up north to Texas I hear tell.....

A Tale To Tell Our Grandchildren Tania Grose-Hodge

For inside the room was a woman so enchanting, who laboured and moaned and sometimes was panting.......

All About Eve Mike Everett

Adam were all alone and looked so sad That God, without thinking, had asked, "What's up, lad?"
He knew it were a mistake the moment he'd said it. As Adam spoke up, God started to dread it.....

And God Created Woman….. (Ex Top Ten) Patricia Markey

In the garden of Eden walked Adam, alone and a trifle forlorn. For he hadn't a miss or a madam, and he whimpered every morn....

Answered Prayer Laurel Kirkwood

A prayer was answered, but unfortunately, misunderstood.

Are You Talking To Me?Pat Cannard

She took a deep breath as she paused in her stride, Her lips slowly parted, her eyes opened wide.

A Woman Of Seasons Ken Hodgkinson

You met her in a chat room as Kate 26 Laughed and confided, you even shared pics....

Beauty & The Beast Jacqueline H Bridle

I've got a little problem and I know I'm not alone As I travel around the mayhem of the beauty revival zone. No it's not the wrinkles that crinkle around my eyes, Or grey hairs, for I have an assortment of cream and dyes.

Bedtime Prayer Author Unknown

Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray for a man who's not a creep. One who's handsome, smart and strong. Who's not afraid to admit when he is wrong...

Big Bad Barbie Robyn Scott

When I was at The Woodford Folk Festival, I bought a T-shirt that said, "I WANNA BE BARBIE, THE BITCH HAS EVERYTHING!" which inspired the following poem: ...

Boobs (Ex Top Ten) Arcadia Flynn

Oh I wish I had boobs that would wobble Mine just stay still in one place In the breast hall of fame You won't see my name For my boobs there would be a disgrace ...

Cinderella (Ex Top Ten) Rod Gibson

The clairvoyant said the two ugly step sisters would both win the heart of The Prince charged them a hundred each for separate readings,. ..

Edie GonzalezGary Hogg

She had such a passion for living, you'd think the last thing she'd do was to die.

Estranged Robyn Scott

I accept that I'm abnormal, That is ... different from the rest, Unlike most other robots, I put normality to the test, Being born a female,...

Exchanging Pleasantries Jerri Gregoire

You run into them everyday and everywhere but, most of the time you run into them, when you don't have the time to exchange or be pleasant.

Fairy Failure Robyn Scott

Oh fuck! I'm a failure as a Fairy, I need to go to a Fairy Fat Farm, Or maybe to "June Dally Watkin's", To revitalise my faulty Fairy charms. ...

Feminine Environs Juliana Taliaferro

While ruffles and lace certainly have their place...

Fifty Something (Ex Top Ten) Shirley Friend

“Do you know...what day it is?” “Nope”...said my beau. “What's today?” “Well! If you can't remember”, I cried “I'm not gonna say. Well aren't you gonna ask me?” I insisted with a few tears. “Alright”, he said...”you're fifty today... and you have been for three or four years”. ...

Fill My Cups Lord Paula Pooo

This is a little testimony from a sweet southern baptist teenage girl (me not so long ago.....).

For All The Girls! Author Unknown

When I was in my younger days, I weighed a few pounds less.....

Graffiti Ian Mackay

I found these words of wisdom, Inscribed on a dunny wall; Put there with a firmish hand... "God made MAN first of all." ..

I'm A Woman Dani

A poem for us.... I shave my legs, sit down to pee, I can justify any shopping spree, I don't go to a barber, but a beauty salon, .....

I'm Glad I'm a Man Author Unknown

I'm glad I'm a man, you better believe. I don't live off of yogurt, diet coke, or cottage cheese I don't bitch to my girlfriends about the size of my breasts. I can get where I want to - north, south, east or west.....

It's Time Arcadia Flynn

I'm thirty six and single Children? not a one "Half your luck"...I hear you say, "I'll bet you're having fun!" ...

Jane Elahi Charlee Marshall
Me name is Jane Elahi an' I'm livin' pretty rough, I ain't no playboy pin-up... but I couldn't give a stuff......
Ladies Prayer Puddlez

Now I lay me Down to sleep. I pray the lord My shape to keep.

Living On A Large Scale S Theobald

Just a stray thought I had....

Mabel Stephen Corless

My wife Mabel has a confession to make about our ten kids and her infidelity. Written in Lancahire dialect (Lanky speak)

My Thighs Juliana Taliaferro

This poem is a parody of the wonderfully inspirational poem by Maya Angelou, "Still I Rise". No disrespect to the original poem or poet is intended. My mind just works in strange ways sometimes...as does my body!

Observations on the Breast Steve Marsh

I see that breasts are in again, that is to say, breasts that are out are in. Breasts that are in are out.

Ode To A Mother-In-Law Joe Earl

A face with a thousand wrinkles....

Ode To The Mammogram Author Unknown

For several years they've told me, "Be careful of your breasts. Don't ever bruise or hurt them, And give them monthly tests." ...

Shades Stringybark

This is a "gospel truth" account from one of my favourite people, who told me this over coffee once, so I wrote it down. (May they one day forgive me!)

She Stole My Heart Wally (The Bear) Finch

I saw her in a crowded bar I worshipped her from afar Her rose tattoo with a star...

Sic Transit Gloria Mundy S Theobald

Well, the Latin doggerel occurred to me several years ago. Here's the latest result.

Snow White's Secret Mildred Achoch

Everyone has secrets. Even a beautiful fairy tale character? ;-)

Someone Robyn Scott

Oh Hell! … I'm starting to think like a man, I'm considering the prospect of getting a wife, A someone to do all of those things, Mundane or trivial in my life,....

Supermodel Attila the Stockbroker

Prepubescent imagery. Empty, stupid eyes. Waif thin. Tyrannical. No fat. No body hair. No character, no love, no personality - no brain.....

Sweet Success Robyn Scott

I'm in the market for a Sugar Daddy, A geriatric with silver grey hair, A prosperous respectable senior citizen, A charming sweet man … to escort me everywhere,....

Swiss-Army Mother Denise Hobbs

For those of you gentlemen out there that are single, snowed under with those annoying little things to do that are low on the list of importance...well toil not..The company that brought you the camping tool legend now offers you......

Tale Of A Telephone Patricia Markey

I hope you can spare a minute or two to listen to my story. I was in the shower the other day, in all my natural glory, when through the sound of the waterfall, I thought I heard the phone,...

Thanks a Million Larry Webster

Her beauty took his breath away, Such outstanding charm and grace ....

The Answers In Your Coffee Jacqueline H Bridle

I've been to marriage guidance counsellors, I've had my tarot read, Observed the books on love and sex, and done all what they said. ....

The Blind Date Gay Liddington

Who said old ladies were past it?

The Boob Poem Author Unknown

For years and years they told me, Be careful of your breasts. Don't ever squeeze or bruise them, And give them monthly tests......

The Cop And The Sunday Driver Lee Daniel Quinn

Poem of an old classic joke.

The Cow Creek Lady's First Aid Club (Ex Top Ten) Neil McArthur

The ladies of Cow Creek decided they should learn First aid Since Mrs. Johnson's Husband cut his foot off with a spade She saw the poor old bugger fall and thought it was his heart Then killed him jumping on his chest, trying to make it start ...

The Enigma Barbara Hetlyn

"PMS" No explaination necessary!!! .

The Girl's Prayer Author Unknown

Our Cash Which art on plastic Hallowed be thy name ...

The Goddess In Me Robyn Scott

If I were to stand naked in front of you, You'd probably cover your eyes, Yet, I am the incarnation of a Goddess, Despite sagging breasts and thunder thighs ...

The Handbag Joe Earl

The handbag is a rare delight, it's like Aladdin's cave, All sorts of things are hidden there, that females like to save, ....

The Mammagram Shirley Friend

I was booked to have a mammogram, on a bus that comes around. I waited ten minutes at the stop outside the football ground....

The New Dress Ron Selby

A lady walked into the room to show hubby her new dress, She was a rather large lady - around forty two in the chest. The dress was cut really low - showed off her feminine shape, .....

The Pap Smear Jacqueline H. Bridle

Excuse me! - excuse me! - excuse me!!! Yes it was that T.V. commercial that said...Pap Smears are the answer, Have one now, get one quick, and you won't get cervical cancer.

Trainee Vegetarain Arcadia Flynn

I'm a trainee vegetarian I eat rice It's nice...with curried beef I'm a trainee vegetarian...

Udders Stephen Cree

If women had udders and cows had breasts What would be shown in The Sun?

Way Out West Topoke

I was only four when my paw was killed....

We're Through (Ex Top Ten) Tess Rowley

Mel Gibson and I are through, well just what's a girl to do It's always been a one sided kind of affair while I've admired his strong, tanned arms He's never once noticed MY charms I'm still single- when we could have been a pair....

Wet And Wild (Ex Top Ten) Gay Liddington

Mountin'women like mountin' men!

Wet Dream Robyn Scott

Hot and wet ... I rediscover, The magic of my secret lover, Work day's problems in the past..

What The Women's Liberationists... Violet Volcano

Who did you say you were? King of the world! Oh, I'm so sorry sir You're no longer of any use here Jake the fake with the extra leg Stalker with a stalk ...

Wheels Of Time Robyn Scott

When I first came off the Assembly Line, I was a 1957 CHEVROLET CORVETTE, I may not be much to look at now, But I've got a few good times left in me yet, ...

Wrap me in chains (Ex Top Ten) Violet Volcano

Wrap me in chains. Clad me in leather Run the lawnmower over my hair Beat me as I do the dishes

Young Men Robyn Scott

Young Men are delicious, Healthy, virile and strong, With smooth skin, a firm fleshy arse, And hair growing where it belongs. Somewhere between adolescence and a mid-life crisis,..

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