Work Poems


Work Poems

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Abort, Retry, IgnoreLucy Blades

Written after a period of coursework-cramming at the end of my gcse years on the computer. Needless to say, I ended up writing it out longhand.

A Legend Revisited  Ian Mackay

There was movement in the carpark, for the word had passed around, That the trolley from Nambour Woolies had got away; And had joined the wild street trolleys, it was nowhere to be found, And all the trolley boys had gathered to the fray....

A Naughty Little Poem Author Unknown 

She whispered "will it hurt me?" "Of course not" answered he "It's a very simple process, You can rely on me."

Bert's Plight (Ex Top Ten) Barbara Warnock

Now Bert's a lonely Pommy working on a building site, all the other blokes ignore him was this to be Bert's plight.

Bunger-up O' Rat-'Oles Jack Warner

Now I reely ought ta tell yer, abart the job I've got. To look at me you wouldn't think it true.....

Fairy Failure Robyn Scott

Oh fuck! I'm a failure as a Fairy, I need to go to a Fairy Fat Farm, Or maybe to "June Dally Watkin's", To revitalise my faulty Fairy charms. ...

G'day Cobber! Amin Sane

G'day cobber Bill's the name How 'ya goin mate I had to run to catch this bus Strewth i can't be late.......

Grannie's Trannie Margaret Glendenning

Since Grannie tuned her trannie to a wee small hours D.J., She's learning, on an average, six new words a day! When she used her new found knowledge to express her point of view The pot plants all keeled over and the atmosphere burned blue!

Heaven's Awaiting Henderson Q. Goldfischer

The jock stood at the Pearly Gates...

I'm A Hotel Manager Carol Prince

I'm a Hotel Manager, Always at my best....

Job Skills Keith Allibone  

Arthur is like many who struggle to reenter the workforce and spend hours trying alternative studies. Fortunately, he is able to laugh at his own failures....

Is It Fresh? Peter Maloney 

Settle back gently, And nourish your drink, While I tell you a story, Makes you stop, makes you think....

Mrs. Lovett Improves Her Pies (Ex Top Ten) Fred Curtis

Sweeney was a barber In Fleet Street near the Strand Cocksure was his nature And Cockney was his brand.....

Not My Job Zach Baldiwn  

If you've ever worked on the railroad you should appreciate this....

Off To Work Denise Campbell

I wrote this during a time when I worked full time with a baby and everything got behind around the house.

Redundant Graham Fredriksen

They stood at the gate: "Have you worked of late?" Said the farmer to the tramp. "Yeah ... had a good job ... uster pay ten bob ... But then I had t'decamp ...

Selling Up & Moving Out Cathie Dunn

Have you ever moved home? Have you been introduced to Estate Agent speak? Did he appear? The man in the suit! Did you sign on the bottom line....

Sweet Success Robyn Scott

I'm in the market for a Sugar Daddy, A geriatric with silver grey hair, A prosperous respectable senior citizen, A charming sweet man to escort me everywhere,....

The Actress Samantha M Jones

I tried to take up acting, it really was a curse I practised my delivery.....

The Barber From Hell Neil McArthur

When I walked into the Barber Shop, the Barber was a different gent I saw the sign on the wall which read "Under New Management"...

The Challenge Raymon Essery

My life is in crisis - My story I tell... My days are a nightmare - my wife's are as well! My hormones are upset. I'm bored and I'm tired - My world's upside down ever since I retired!

The Charge of the Write Brigade David Peetz

Memos to right of her, Files all to left of her, PQs in front of her Volleyed and thundered. Alfred Lord Tennyson would roll in his grave.

The City Farmer Garth Madsen

Now Nigel was a city boy From Fitzroy toe to hair. The pavement was his garden, The diesel fumes his air, ...

The Cow Creek Lady's First Aid Club (Ex Top Ten) Neil McArthur

The ladies of Cow Creek decided they should learn First aid Since Mrs. Johnson's Husband cut his foot off with a spade She saw the poor old bugger fall and thought it was his heart Then killed him jumping on his chest, trying to make it start ...

The Customer (Ex Top Ten) Frank Halliwell

Wouldn't you like a stranglehold when businesses keep you on hold?

The Goating Bug Jennifer Haig

Me dad, he got the goating bug and his eyes - they all went weird, In place of brown were dollar signs and new plans were engineered;

The Lawyer's Lament (Ex Top Ten) David Peetz

What is the link betwen lawyers and rats? And why would men in black gowns fear blokes in white coats?

The Loophole's Loophole Royce Koon

A loophole was in his contract. A loophole his good lawyer knit. A loophole so skillfully woven, a loophole it did not look it....

The Manager (Ex Top Ten) Brian Bell

I'd like to see the manager'. I heard the farmer say While I was working in a bank, Out Oodnadatta way. Silence, as the clerk in charge....

The Mechanic Frank Halliwell

Sam was a gynecologist, But he'd done his last swab, For after ten long years, he had Grown weary of the job.

The Pizza Lament Kevin Greig

Now I'm a pizza-driver I drive them as a job What really pizzas me off Is the pizza eating mob. The first one is the tourist A likely place to start ...

The Ventriloquist Denis Kevans 

Our job was to get" the scratchings" ready for their final flight, In the steerage class compartment of the angels' satellite, And Maxie, our technician, was waiting, "Brahms and Liszt", ...


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