Introduction

A poem inspired by a line from a Jim Carey movie, an Arcadia Flynn poem, and a somewhat unrelated pesonal experience.

I'm perfectly happy with the wife I've got, yet there is something strangely appealing about the woman in this poem. Hmmm....

Mr. Jones' and his Wife

Let me tell you 'bout Jones (a guy not so bad),
his attractive blond wife, and the problem they had.

Now Jones was quite small, he weighed one-seventeen,
and was meek as a fellow as you've ever seen.

But his wife was a full six foot three in her hat,
almost two hundred pounds and not an ounce of it fat,

With an aggressive demeanor to match her appearance,
from her husband she demanded complete, full adherence.

Now, to all of his friends Mr. Jones would complain,
that life with his wife would soon drive him insane.

"She's always riding me hard..." he would say.
They figured that meant she was nagging him some way,

Or scolding him for all the money he spent,
but it seems his complaint was more literally meant.

Yes, she'd ride him from the moment they got into bed,
'till early next morning, for all the days they'd been wed

She'd ride him all night, she was always on top,
- either forwards or backwards - but always non-stop.

Oh, she'd cat nap every so often, but then,
she'd straddle poor Jones and then ride him again.

And it seemed that Jones' tensions would not likely cease,
for whenever he was close to climactic release,

His strong wife would slap him and loudly shout, "NO!
I've got five or six more orgasms to go!

And I don't want your critical part going limp.
So c'mon, have some self-control, ya big wimp!"

But then, every morning, though his wife was quite sated,
poor Jones would lie there completely frustrated.

For years he went on, very ungratified,
but then, a new outlet was discovered and tried.

Yes, he set many records down at the sperm bank's,
he could get half a pint with just one little yank,

with no girlie pictures or videos used,
and none of his donations were ever refused.

Yes, he'd found his new calling in life, it appears.
Mr. Jones was the banks biggest donor in years!

Copyright; Jack Smith