Murphy's Jersey Bull

Murphy was a battler, forever trying to grub
A living from a holding that was mainly stone and scrub,
He had seven hungry children, so he greeted with dismay,
The announcement from his missus that the eighth was on the way.

He was flat-out feeding seven, but he had to manage now,
So he begged and borrowed money, and he bought a Jersey cow,
She was very near to calving, and he watched her udder swell,
There'd be plenty for his children, the remainder he could sell.

The cow was quite a beauty, it was Murphy's frequent claim,
That her breeding put the local scrubby cattle quite to shame,
When she dropped a sturdy bull-calf, with delight he proudly said
That he'd start a herd of Jerseys (only slightly interbred.)

The neighbours envied Murphy, for the calf was fine indeed,
He grew to be a really prime example of the breed,
His mother's milk was plentiful, the richest to be found,
Her calf became the finest bull you'd find for miles around.

Murphy watched him often, and he rubbed his hands with glee,
He would use him as a stud bull, at a hefty service fee,
And the beast was so impressive that the neighbours, sure enough,
Brought their cows and heifers over for the bull to do his stuff.

But although the bull looked macho, all the heifers he ignored,
His admiring bovine harem left him frankly rather bored,
He had no desire for dalliance, and Murphy bore the brunt,
Of the taunts from friends and neighbours, all unmercifully blunt.

Then Murphy, nothing daunted, to the ribbing called a halt,
By announcing to his critics that the bull was not at fault,
It's your scrawny low-bred cattle that's the problem, goodness knows,
He'd have to be quite desperate to fancy one of those!

"He's a bull of class and breeding, with discriminating mind,
And he's obviously waiting to meet others of his kind,
So we'll put him with the Jersey, and he'll show what he can do,
And then those scraggy cows of yours will see a thing or two."

When the Jersey cow was ready, Murphy's bull was shown his mate,
And he galloped off to meet her at a very rapid rate,
He was so enthusiastic, Murphy shouted, "Told you so!"
But the sudden yells of laughter very quickly laid him low.

Instead of going over her - poor Murphy's face turned red -
The bull approached the Jersey, and went under her instead,
He gave a joyful bellow as he fell upon his knees,
And he sucked the Jersey's udder, just as happy as you please.

He drank until the cow was dry, and all her teats were sore,
He wouldn't leave her side at all, and still he wanted more,
Murphy got no milk that day, and all he got instead
Were some very ribald comments, which are better left unsaid.

But Murphy had his vengence, for before the week was through,
He invited all the neighbours to a monster barbecue,
The steaks were rich and tender, and when everyone was full,
They all agreed that fine indeed, was Murphy's Jersey bull!

Author Unknown