Old Tom's Daughters
Old Tom had five hardworking girls. He kept them on the run.
From sparrow's fart they played their part they never had much
and Susan would sigh for the love that might die if her dad got out his gun.
The lads wooed out from the outback town, to test their manly pledge.
Five girls were bait to quicken the gait an' stop any from being
and Simon sighed for his would be bride in the house behind the hedge.
"I'll stop you bastards" shouted Tom, "I'll pull that hedge of broom"
"The Cheek of my girls for letting their cheeks glow red like roses in bloom"
and the five girls cried, now no lads could hide near the windows of their
Old Tom he thought he'd won the fight, to keep his girls safe but
His life was hell and he could tell that of peace there wasn't a glut
and Susan sat in a huff all day with the cat in the garden hut.
That night for revenge the lads chopped a long branch, right off the front gate bush.
They tiptoed up to Tom's bedroom, gave his window a bit of a push.
and Simon, leaning as far as he could, poked the branch in sleeping
While they were laughing Tom crept up behind, stole their axe giving lads consternation.
Whirling axe at their backs did a laxative thing,
never again constipation
and Simon saw a notice next day, "found, one axe, ask at the police station"
But back the lads
came with chainsaw again to give Tom a little more curry
They tackled a tree - saw buzzed angrily scattered leaves with hurricane flurry
and Simon saw Tom bring out his shotgun. They departed in very great hurry
"Tom's got us so beat we can't sleep we can't eat. Love has put us right off our
"Anorexic dyslexic no sex sick just lovesick, tyres flat, our wheel's got no hub"
So Jim called a truce and they dressed up real spruce to meet old Tom down at the pub
We're real sorry Jim said."- "It's luck, yer not dead.
Stay away from my girls you young punk."
The beer flowed free Tom forgot the damn tree they fed this fine cause of their funk
Old Tom accepted his grog from the lads, before they all knew, - he was drunk.
"You bastards are thinking you'll see the girls now,
but my horse knows the way down the
They plied the old man with another anon - he had never had quite such a treat
And Jim lowered Tom's head for a post publial nap while the lads all got to their feet.
They led Tom's horse the other side of the fence, to where the green grasses grew.
Then they pushed Tom's sulky up close to the wire,
poking the shafts right through
And Bill buckled the harness back on to the horse, the fence firmly between the two
Tom woke, jumped aboard, spurred the horse, couldn't move.
The lads were long gone to their lass!
Tom sleepily tottered his brain was distorted his horse he just couldn't harass
Charles cuddled. He knew that poor Tom would sleep
till dawn showed him up such an ass!
By the time Tom got back it was settled and set, the boys had made all of their bids.
Tom's daughters delirious, won round the old man
despite all their didn'ts and dids
Susan was satisfied, smugly she said, "Papa you'll soon have Grandkids!"
And true to her
word that hardworking bird the Stork Started filling the Cot.
And Pam pointed out the potential to Tom. "Of workers you'll soon have a
Tom was not such a git that he couldn't admit - "This is better than what we had got!"
Copyright; Roger Wooller