Old Tom's Daughters

Old Tom had five hardworking girls. He kept them on the run.
Molly mustered
Tilly tallied
From sparrow's fart they played their part they never had much fun
Hetty herded
Pammie ploughed
and Susan would sigh for the love that might die if her dad got out his gun.

The lads wooed out from the outback town, to test their manly pledge.
Willie wheelied
Jimmy jumped
Five girls were bait to quicken the gait an' stop any from being a veg
Charlie called
Roger revved
and Simon sighed for his would be bride in the house behind the hedge.

"I'll stop you bastards" shouted Tom, "I'll pull that hedge of broom"
Backhoe burrowed
Grubber gouged.
"The Cheek of my girls for letting their cheeks glow red like roses in bloom"
Dumper delivered
Roller re-levelled
and the five girls cried, now no lads could hide near the windows of their room.
Old Tom he thought he'd won the fight, to keep his girls safe but

Molly moped
Tilly t'sked
His life was hell and he could tell that of peace there wasn't a glut
Hetty howled
Pammie pouted
and Susan sat in a huff all day with the cat in the garden hut.
That night for revenge the lads chopped a long branch, right off the front gate bush.
Charlie cut
Roger retrieved
They tiptoed up to Tom's bedroom, gave his window a bit of a push.
Willie whispered
Jimmy joked
and Simon, leaning as far as he could, poked the branch in sleeping Tom's moosh.

While they were laughing Tom crept up behind, stole their axe giving lads consternation.
Roger ran
Willie went
Whirling axe at their backs did a laxative thing, never again constipation
Jimmy jellied
Charlie crumpled
and Simon saw a notice next day, "found, one axe, ask at the police station"
But back the lads came with chainsaw again to give Tom a little more curry
Willie whooped
Jimmy jeered
They tackled a tree - saw buzzed angrily scattered leaves with hurricane flurry
Charlie chipped
Roger ripped
and Simon saw Tom bring out his shotgun. They departed in very great hurry
"Tom's got us so beat we can't sleep we can't eat. Love has put us right off our grub."
Simon sickened
Willie weakened
"Anorexic dyslexic no sex sick just lovesick, tyres flat, our wheel's got no hub"
Charlie chundered
Roger regurgitated
So Jim called a truce and they dressed up real spruce to meet old Tom down at the pub

We're real sorry Jim said."- "It's luck, yer not dead.
Stay away from my girls you young punk."
Charlie chose
Billy bought
The beer flowed free Tom forgot the damn tree they fed this fine cause of their funk
Simon sipped
Roger's round !
Old Tom accepted his grog from the lads, before they all knew, - he was drunk.
"You bastards are thinking you'll see the girls now,
but my horse knows the way down the street."
Willie wisecracked
Charlie chuckled
They plied the old man with another anon - he had never had quite such a treat
Rog raconteured
Simon smiled
And Jim lowered Tom's head for a post publial nap while the lads all got to their feet.

They led Tom's horse the other side of the fence, to where the green grasses grew.
Rog reconnoitred
Simon shushed
Then they pushed Tom's sulky up close to the wire, poking the shafts right through
Charlie chivvied
Jimmie Gentled
And Bill buckled the harness back on to the horse, the fence firmly between the two

Tom woke, jumped aboard, spurred the horse, couldn't move.
The lads were long gone to their lass!
Simon snuggled
Billy bedded
Tom sleepily tottered his brain was distorted his horse he just couldn't harass
Jimjigajigged
Rog rogered
Charles cuddled. He knew that poor Tom would sleep now
till dawn showed him up such an ass!

By the time Tom got back it was settled and set, the boys had made all of their bids.
Pammie perhapsed
Hetty hugged
Tom's daughters delirious, won round the old man despite all their didn'ts and dids
Tilly twined
Molly married
Susan was satisfied, smugly she said, "Papa you'll soon have Grandkids!"
And true to her word that hardworking bird the Stork Started filling the Cot.
Hetty huged
Susan Caesarianed
And Pam pointed out the potential to Tom. "Of workers you'll soon have a lot!"
Tilly twinned
Molly multiplied
Tom was not such a git that he couldn't admit - "This is better than what we had got!"

Copyright; Roger Wooller