Introduction

News item, 24 December: A sleigh-load of foreigners, obviously seeking asylum in Australia, was turned back from entering Australian waters by the navy, Immigration Minister Mr Phillip Ruddock announced today.

The foreigners included an old bearded man, a number of short accomplices
(referred to, apparently, as "elves") and several reindeer.

They were prevented from entering Australian waters around Christmas Island.

The Prime Minister, Mr John Howard, congratulated the navy on their actions
in intercepting the queue-jumpers.

"Our security sources have uncovered these asylum seekers' plans, once in
Australia, to go to every city and town - indeed, they had intended to visit
every house! Fortunately, we have foiled their scheme. Who knows what
terrible things would have happened if they had not been stopped in their
tracks?"

"We alone, and not some foreign do-gooders, will decide who is allowed into
this country."

(the rest is best sung to a well-known tune by J. Fred Coots & Henry
Gillespie)

Santa Claus Was Coming To Oz

You better watch out
You better not cry
You better be good
I'm telling you why
Santa Claus is coming to Oz

He's coming across
The water tonight
Got lots to give
Everybody, that's right
Santa Claus is coming to Oz

The navy's gone to meet him
Have they brought Christmas cake?
They don't know if he's bad or good -
He's been stopped, for goodness sake!

His sleigh is too small
He's got a strange crew
Has no passport
He's jumping the queue
Santa Claus was coming to Oz

He grows a long beard
He wears foreign clothes
Security risk
The government knows
Santa Claus was coming to Oz

He throws elves in the water
To sneak in our country
The PM says it's all on film
And that's good enough for me

They've taken him off
To Tuvalu shores
He won't bother me
Or you any more
Santa Claus ain't coming to Oz

You better watch out
There's no Christmas Isle
In Australia no more
I'm telling you why:
Cause Santa Claus ain't coming to Oz.

Copyright; David Peetz
Email: davidpeetz@yahoo.com.au