It’s Somethin’ In Me Genes

Copyright; Charlee Marshall
copyright 1989 © Outback Music Publishing
rimmusic@fan.net.au
All rights reserved. International copyrights secured.

I wuz down in Brisbane Frid’y week an’ went ter see the quack...
I reckon it wuz time to take it easy;
I don’t want you people thinkin’ I’m a hy-pro-chon-diac
But jus’ lately I bin feelin’ kinda queasy;
Me ‘ead aches somefin’ orful an’ me lips are dry an’ blue
I gets giddy some times ridin’ round the fences
An’ I reckoned ‘e cou’d fix me up (I’m only twenty two)
Wiv a bottle o’ the dope that ‘e dispenses.
Well ‘e fiddles in me singlet... I refused to take it orf
Wiv a stealthy-scope an’ similar machines;
An’ then ‘e puts ‘is finger - well... I turns me ‘ead ter coff
An’ ‘e ups an’ says “There’s somethin’ in y’r genes!”

What the ‘eck’s ‘e think I am... some kind o’ bloomin’ flower!
I may be slow an’ sorta stumble-witted
But ever since me mother smacked me fingers in the shower
I’ve known that I wuz properly outfitted.
“There’s somethin’ in y’r genes” ‘e says. “it’s caused y’r glands ter swell;
Jus’ sit ‘ere while I go an’ fetch a nurse”
Then she comes in, blonde an’ beautiful, an’ straight orf I could tell
The swellin’ ‘ad quite suddenly got worse!
But they ‘eld me jaws wide open an’ they leaned across me chair
They used me tongue fer playin’ trampolines
An’ ‘ow the ‘ell they saw a thing lookin’ down from there
But they both agreed “there’s somethin’ in y’r genes!”

“The only cure,” the doctor says, “is a ton-sil-ect-om-y!”
The nurse jus’ nods ‘er ‘ead “There’s little doubt
They’ll be no use at all ter ‘im like that, don’t you agree?”
An ‘e peeks again an’ says “They must come out!”
“Come out!!”... my gawd.... two little words... they ‘it me like a rock!
At twenty-two I’d ‘ardly started livin’.
But I’d done me share o’ brandin’ calves an’ couldn’t stand the shock
If they tried to take away what I wus given
I’d seen ‘em use an iron on colts what burned the ‘and that ‘eld it
We’d cleaned up lots o’ tom-cats in our teens
An’ I’m damn’d if I’ll crawl in a sack an’ wait there ter be gelded
Jus’ because I’m blessed wiv somethin’ in me jeans.

So I tol’ the doc politely that I’d think about it later;
I grabbed me ‘at an’ sidled out the door
An’ I threw the scrip ‘e gave me in the first in-cin-er-ator
‘Cos I won’t be needin’ doctors any more
There’s a pub in Augathella where they keep the bar-maid busy
Servin’ medicine ter cure a ‘usky throat
An’ a double scotch will fix ya anytime yo’re feelin’ dizzy
Ev’ry illness ‘as its simple antidote
Ter them fancy Brisbane doctors I ‘ave said me last good-bye
They c’n sit an’ read their glossy magazines;
An’ I’ll keep this solem’ promise till the very day I die
I’m gonna die wiv somethin’ in me jeans.

Copyright; Written by Charlee Marshall