Introduction

Just some parodies of Nursery rhymes for the church!

If you have ever sat in a church and wondered why - then maybe just maybe these will make you smile.

If you have never sat in a church - and read them - you may never want to!

Subversary Rhymes

Sing A Song Of..........

Sing a song of sixpence, with coppers in the plate.
Four and twenty pound's a tithe, but God will have to wait
Until I've paid the mortgage, and the HP on the car;
Then what is left, I'm sorry, just doesn't stretch that far.

The verger's in the vestry counting out the money,
The vicar's in the pulpit giving out the "bunny"........
"The church fund is increasing but, though it is a sin,
The costs are rising faster than the money's coming in."

So dig in very deeply as the plate is passed your way
For everyone must do their bit to make religion pay!

Wee Willie Winkie

Wee Willie Winkie runs through the town
Eyes tightly closed to the problems all around.
Doesn't see the poverty, misery and shame,
Willie's good, believes in God, and knows he's not to blame.

Mary, Mary

Mary Mary, quite contrary,
How do your chapel funds grow?
With a special fete,
Guess the weight of the cake,
And tombolas all in a row!

Little Jack Horner

Little Jack Horner sat in the corner
Singing a hymn to God.
Three hundred years old,
The words left him cold......
And didn't do much for God!

Little Bo Peep

Little Bo Peep is fast asleep
And no-one knows how to wake her;
Some have tried prayer,
Whilst the minister there
With his sermons has tried to shake her.

Baa Baa Black Sheep

Baa Baa Black Sheep, standing in the cold;
Come back, come back into the fold!
There's nothing to be frightened of,
We do not want your heart;
Just a very small donation...
We all must play our part.

Jack And Jill

Jack and Jill went up the hill
To chapel every Sunday;
But their belief
Always came to grief
As soon as it was Monday.

See-Saw

See-Saw Marjorie Daw
The church doesn't get any stronger.
We will give God but an hour a week
Because we can't take any longer

Hickory Dickory Dock

Hickory Dickory dock
We like to watch the clock.
Dinner's at one
So you'd better be done!
Hickory Dickory dock.

Three Blind Mice

Three blind mice, see how they run!
They all ran after the preacher, who
Preached all the things that they wanted him to;
With the wisdom of men that denied God is true;
Three blind mice.

Little Boy Blue

Little boy blue come blow on your horn,
Our children take drugs and our sweetshops sell porn;
But where is the church that should sound the alarm?
They are holding a fund-raising fete in the barn!

Diddle Diddle Dumpling

Diddle Diddle Dumpling, Father John
Wants to pray, but his faith is gone,
But he does look nice with his vestments on;
Diddle Diddle Dumpling, Father John.

Humpty Dumpty

Humpty Dumpty sat on a pew,
Humpty Dumpty was one of the few;
All the Church Elders, those leaders of men,
Couldn't get Humpty to witness again!

Yankee Doodle

Yankee Doodle came to town
His entourage around him;
Preached on satellite TV
And said that nothing bound him.
Yankee Doodle's back again
In an air-conditioned "Roller"
He'll share prosperity with you
If you'll send him a dollar!

Boys And Girls

Boys and girls come out to camp
It might be cold, and it might be damp;
Leave your chapels and house groups too
And come along to Spring Harvest, do!
Come with a heart that is ready to pray
Come with your arms in the air all day!
Bring your Leather-bound N.I.V.
And share your love and your faith with me.
Then take back the blessing, when you go,
And help the rest of your church to grow.

Georgie Porgie

Georgie Porgie, pudding and pie,
Sat in the church as the years flew by.
When the church began to pray
Georgie Porgie ran away.

Mary

Mary had a new born faith
She liked to let it show;
And everywhere that Mary went,
Her faith was sure to go.
It went with her to school each day,
Although she felt a fool
When all the children laughed at her
For taking faith to school.

Goosey Goosey Gander

Goosey Goosey Gander, whither will you wander?
Round all the churches in the town you constantly meander.
You'll never find the right one, though, because you never stay;
As you're upset so easily when things aren't done your way.

Doctor Foster

Doctor Foster went to Gloucester
For a Miracle Campaign
He got crushed in the crowd
And the noise was so loud
That he never went there again!

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