Tale Of A Telephone

I hope you can spare a minute or two to listen to my story.
I was in the shower the other day, in all my natural glory,
when through the sound of the waterfall, I thought I heard the phone,
so I turned the taps to stop the flow, and got out with a groan.

Well, grabbing a towel, and dripping all over, I picked up the darn machine.
The water was puddling round my feet, I'm sure you know what I mean.
Then putting my lips to the mouthpiece, I politely said Hello,
and a sweet young thing on the end of the line began her speech with "Oh,

"I'm Jennifer from the Guide Dogs, and I was wondering whether
you'd care to hear the list of treasures that we have put together?"
She rattled off a catalogue while I dripped all over the floor,
and a stream of water crept along and vanished under the door.

At last I got a word in, and said, "I was in the shower."
and she said, "We've got a cap for that, it's shaped just like a flower."
Well, to stop her talking, I ordered the thing, and hung up the telephone
then grabbing some paper towels, I mopped up with a moan.

Back under the shower I finally went, and let the water flow.
I was feeling utterly blissful, then suddenly, wouldn't you know?
the phone was ringing again, of course, and I muttered a curse or three,
but conscience made me answer the thing, to see who it could be.

'Twas a cladding firm, who would make my home the envy of all the town.
They could offer me some fantastic deal, too good for me to turn down.
But I did, you know, I turned it down, took the phone right off the hook,
and dived back in the shower, without a second look.

The water soothed my crankiness, I was feeling really well,
when straining my ears, I faintly heard the sound of the front door bell.
Well, I climbed from the shower, and I dried and dressed, and went to check the door.
The Avon lady was standing there, with her bag by her feet on the floor,

And pulling up in the street outside, the Flick man in his ute
was heading in my direction, with a smile that said, "You beaut!"
So I said to them, "I'm so sorry! I'm just on my way out!
Try my next door neighbour, she's somewhere round about!"

I bolted out to my car, and quickly drove away,
and bought myself an answer phone that self-same day,
and now when I'm in the shower, the phone can ring off the wall,
and I don't get out to answer it, no matter who may call.

Copyright; Patricia Markey
Email: pdmarkey@caliph.net.au