The College Ball

Each year our schools combined to have, the Catholic College Ball,
It was agreed it would be held, at St. Joey's Parish Hall.
For weeks before the boys had asked, the girls could they befriend,
And every night from six till eight, dance practice they'd attend.

The Sisters and the Brothers, watched all with hawk-like eyes,
That modesty and purity, no one would jeopardise.
The bosoms the chests must be, a ruler's length between,
While girls were told to wear the shoes, not all that shiny clean.

We never could work out just why, the nuns gave this direction,
Until we heard them talk about, the angles of reflection.
It seemed they feared such shining shoes, might show some upper scenes,
That should remain a mystery, to boys still in their teens.

We learnt the Pride of Erin, the Barn Dance and Fox Trot,
But Jive and Jitterbug were seen, as silly tommy-rot.
And the Band was told directly, in no uncertain way,
That only Old-Time tunes they'd play, if they expected pay.

Now kissing got you pregnant, that's what some Sisters said,
While boys caught with french letters, expulsion lay ahead.
With these things called french letters, we didn't have a clue,
Till Spud Murphy, an Irish lad, told us we needed two.

No one was game to ask him why, till Billy softly said,
"Hey Spud, why should we buy the two?" then wished that he was dead.
And even after what Spud said, we still weren't all that sure,
For he just brogued those famous words, "t-pshaw, t-pshaw, t-pshaw."

Dance practice was on Monday noon, down at St. Mary's School,
But boys would smoke along the way, to show that they were cool.
Sister Brigid was a shrewd one, known wide as Sister Spy.
She sprung those smokers, frog-marched them, back to St. Joseph's High.

Embarrassed Brother Matthew wished only that he'd died,
As Sister Brigid smugly told all details she had spied.
His humble-pie of, "sorry, how-could-they, not our boys,
" Were words good Sister longed to hear, from Joey's hoi pollois.

But as the Sister floated back, on Cloud Nine to her girls,
Brother Matthew's calm exploded, like volcanic ash unfurls.
He called a school assembly, his wrath he would unleash,
At this unseem behaviour, how dare his trust they breach.

They all were there Grade Ones to Twelve, enough to cause a riot,
But knew full well, to be dead still, when Brother shouted, "Quiet!"
"How dare you boys disgrace us so, by smoking out in public,
You are supposed to be the best, and after all your Catholic."

Now Brother Matt was known to get, confused in front of school,
His words became at times reversed, which led to ridicule.
Like when the flash new Toilet Block, was opened in Term Three,
He told the world, there'd be no one, who's more relieved than he.

Or when he caught the Primary boys, in Toilet Block brand new,
Competing peeing up the walls and even out of view.
"Should this contest continue, and I can see the proof,
You'll leave me with no option, but to really hit the roof."

Remember that confectionery well known as columbines,
'Twas these that Brother had in mind in Science with Grade Nines.
"Those students who can tell me, what makes the moon to shine,
I promise that you each will get at least one concubine."

But for this nicotine brigade, he would no mercy show,
With Sister Brigid still in mind, he let both barrels go.
"For years your College Balls you've had, with music, dance and joy,
But I'll cut out your Balls if you, continue to annoy."

Well the Assembly near erupted, with giggle, smirk and glee,
But Brother Matt had no idea, why this response should be.
"Laugh and grin, but this discipline, for non-cooperation,
Could well have serious consequence, for a future generation."

Copyright; Noel Stallard
From his book: "Chalk Dust and Bull Dust"