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Introduction

Driving for days, heading for Alice Springs.

The Trip Up North

We left on Sunday afternoon, bound for Alice Springs.
We couldn't leave the house because the phone, it always rings.
Heading down the freeway, at a greater speed of knots.
Our quest was to get there quick. The houses passed as blots.

The cars, the trucks, the planes, the birds. All pass us by with glee.
We're trying for Port Wakefield, to arrive by half past three.
Our bellies rumble loudly, as the juices start to flow.
We'll soon be there, believe me. Only 20 k's to go!

We've had our cappuccinos, and we filled our bellies well.
We looked outside and saw the sign, the one that said 'motel'.
We stopped the night, we had a fight, but things are better now.
I called him a bastard and he called me 'silly cow'!!!

We've now agreed the route to take, to reach our destination.
Methinks it might be quicker if we call the railway station.
That aside, we've set our stride. We're on our way again.
We're moving very quickly now, to try and beat the train.

Port Augusta's here at last. We got here in a fluster.
The bloody train was speedier. More speed than we could muster!
We had a walk, and stopped to talk to Trish and baby Daniel.
A lady passed with a lovely dog. It was a cocker spaniel!

The holiday park invited us in, to sample a lovely cabin.
Edith's gut was playing up. The pains they were a-stabbing'.
When we got up the air was fresh, but not inside the loo.
Edith's gut was better. Now she blamed the Vindaloo.

Onward and upward we were bound, heading for Coober Pedy.
John told Edith to slow down. She's getting rather speedy.
The mullock heaps soon disappear. We're heading for the bush.
A tyre has a bubble, so dear John gets out to push.

Erldunda looms from out the mist. John has had enough.
We book a bus tour to the "Rock", for we've ran out of puff.
The driver tells us lots of tales of native myth and folk-lore.
We disembark, we see our mark. Us tourists want to hear more.

The waiter at Yulara tried to serve us quick.
He stuffed the order up so much it nearly made us sick!
We could wait no longer. Our time was nearly up.
We made do with greasy chips, eaten from a cup.

The driver was a-calling to get us tourists boarded.
Some lucky folks had eaten lunch, but kept some to be hoarded.
They needed the food to get the strength to climb up Uluru.
The Greek guy sitting next to John said "Who the hell are you???"

The awesome Rock was in our face. We couldn't believe the sight.
Edith's stomach cramps returned. She had to go for a shite!!!
Toilet paper very scarce. She had to use her finger.
On returning to the bus, the odour didn't linger!!! (NOT!!!)

We walked and walked around the Rock. We started getting dizzy.
The sweat was running down John's legs. The flies were very busy.
To the Cultural Centre we returned, to have a cup of tea.
Edith said, "Oh, not again! I've got to have a pee!!!"

The Olga's next. Oh, what a view! We see them from afar.
They look like giant marbles. You can get there in your car.
Photos taken. Back we head. The sun is going down.
Uluru beckons us, then we can hit the town.

Chook and champers we are fed, while looking from the west.
The hue is changing rapidly. These flies, they are a pest!!!
The sun goes down and we cool down, waiting for the darkness.
The scenery out here is wild! We can't believe its starkness!

Heading home we watch a tape. The driver starts to cuss.
It's camels on the bloody road that stops the flamin' bus!
The bus is going slower now. The driver's taking care.
Erldunda's only up the road. He hopes to get us there.

The driver stops and we hop off, straight into the bar.
The brakes aren't on. The bus moves on. Right into a car!
It's double voddy time for us. The driver cannot drink.
John's belly is now playing up. There is a smelly stink!!!

The next morning, we arise, awoken by galahs.
The road is very busy, there are lots of speeding cars.
Singing a song, the road is long, heading for Coober Pedy.
The time we arrive, it's now half past 5, and we're feeling rather seedy!!!

Hotel bound, we stay underground, at the Desert Cave Hotel.
We wake refreshed, no longer stressed. We're feeling rather well!
Hitting the opal shops to look, we hope to buy some gifts.
We're looking at the price tags, and they're giving us the shits!!!

Purchases made, we're heading off ,on the road to Oodnadatta.
Torrential rain has closed the track. The creeks are full of watter!!!
The bitumen road is straight and long, with road kills at each side.
John gets out to photograph. The flies attack his hide!!!

Wedge-tailed eagles eat their lunch. It looks like road kill pie.
Two of them sat in a tree, silhouetted by the sky.
"What a photo!" John cries out, and quickly takes a snap.
Majestic eagles pose for him. It's a feather in his cap!

To Roxby Downs to see Keith's house. We end up at the Tavern.
The meal we had, was really bad. It wasn't worth us havin'!
Next morning, we look out, and see something is a-risin'!
Olympic Dam has just gone wham, with smoke on the horizon.

Andamooka is now in our sights. A fire truck goes past.
It's heading for Olympic Dam, to help put out the blast.
The men are all in uniform, and they've got plenty buckets.
"This bloody place on fire again?" the Captain says. "Ah, shuck it!!!".

Looking at opal jewellery, savouring the view.
Edith's guts go bang, bang, bang. She'd heading for the loo!
The big Long Bus. It is still there, although it is now shut.
The owner has a new place now. It is a wooden hut.

Back to Roxby we set forth, places still to see.
Graham, Trish and Daniel have invited us for tea.
Morning dawns. The day looks long, all beautiful and bright.
We headed up the Borefield Road. Marree is now in sight!

A twinkle stop, and after the shops, a walk along the street.
We both pile back into the Ute, but have to check our feet,
'Cause lots of dogs leave landmines there, on both sides of the road.
John thought he had stood in one, but it was just a toad!!! (Squelch!!!)

A few miles out, John gave a shout. "I'm pissed off with this heat!"
The air-conditioning doesn't work. We're really feeling beat!
The' tinnies' that we have on board, are just about to burst.
"It's getting warmer by the hour!" Edith said, lips pursed!

Lyndhurst pub is our next goal, to get some nice cold beer.
A Pommy and his cousin came. The owner said "Why here???".
After a refreshing drink, or three, or four, or five,
John is feeling better now. He starts to feel alive!

We viewed the coal mine at Leigh Creek. It's really bloody massive.
But the smoke WE are emitting, is considered to be passive.
We booked a cabin in the town. The rain it started prancing.
Like movie stars of long ago, our John was out there dancing!!!

Back on the road, we're in the mode to go and visit Flinders.
John picks his nose, and no one knows, what's sticking on his fingers!!!
Flinders Ranges we're now in. The weather seems okay.
We come across a 4-wheel drive that's stuck and in our way!

The driver wades across the creek. He's nearly swept on down!
If it wasn't for the branch he grabbed, the bugger would've drowned!!!
We headed back along the track, to a lady we did blurt.
"Don't go that way! Your car might stray, and then you could be hurt!".

Wilpena Pound, we ain't yet found, but heading down that way.
We wanted to get booked in there. No rooms! We couldn't stay!
Driving on. That's me, I'm John. Edith said "Take care!".
Two Emus have spotted us, so we pull up right there.

They were very curious, and we were of them too.
John split an apple, and out the window threw.
After looking at Wilpena Pound, we drove on fast to Hawker,
Where we met the lady again, who had a little daughter.

Conversation then resumed. The night went very quick.
John kept Chelsea entertained by showing a paper bag trick.
Half the pub was watching. Smiles were on their faces.
The television was switched on, showing the Melbourne races!

On leaving town, we headed down, to sample quandong pie.
Edith said "It tastes like plum!", and John, he says "Och, aye!!!".
Three girls walking down the street. Two were pushing babies.
We honked and smiled and waved at them 'cause they were lovely ladies.

Homeward bound. The Ute is sound. The k's are passing quick.
The longer it takes to get us home, makes us both feel sick!
At Port Wakefield we have a break, a cappuccino stop.
From here on in to Adelaide, it's only just a hop.

Burning rubber in our haste, to get to where we're going,
The short home straight, It's now a date. A storm has been a-blowing!
We got home without a hitch. Cassie's really missed us.
Keith and Tanya ran the farm. They really did assist us.

The chooks, the goose, the sheep, the cows said "Who the hell are they?
We've been spoiled rotten, while you have been away!!!
So open up the shed door, and give us all a treat.
You can spoil us rotten too! Watch where you put your feet!!!".

The epic journey that we began, has now come to a halt.
We saw lots of real nice things, including lakes of salt.
We wined and dined. We stuffed ourselves. John ate like a pig!
One thing that we both found out - Australia's really BIG!!!!!

THE END!!!!!
(PHEW!!!!!)

Copyright; John McCormack & Edith Logan
Email: john@fk79.fsnet.co.uk and
scudsysmum@bigpond.com.au

 

 



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