Those Disastrous Ancestors of Mine

Today we buried Great Uncle Ted
'died unexpectedly' the obituary read.
How un-expected can people be,
after all the old fart was a hundred and three.

Great Uncle Ted's father was a hundred and seven
when he popped his cloggs and went to heaven
and his father before him, one hundred and one
they say he died suddenly whilst cleaning his gun.

He was looking down the barrel for hidden dirt
"Your tea's on the table" yelled his manic wife, Gert.
But he chose to ignore her, much to her dismay,
so she pulled the trigger and blew him away.

Great Uncle Ted's brother was Great Uncle Chuck
who sold stolen goods from the back of a truck.
He left two sons and a widow named Florry
when the poor sod fell off the back of a lorry.

Now his eldest sister was my Great Aunt Gwen
and a bit of a raver when it came to men.
Twelve times a night (and she wasn't dreaming),
red hot in her coffin and they say shes still steaming.

The youngest girl was my Great Aunt Trish,
widowed eight times, they all ate poison fish.
All except one, he died from a blow to the head.
"Well he wouldn't eat fish" my Great Aunt Trish said.

Then there was Great Aunt Nell, who had kids by the score
all wrinkled and grey, she said "I will try for one more."
The records are wrong, they can never be true
they say she died giving birth, aged ninety two.

Now my Great Uncle Dick called his son one day.
"You cant marry that girl son, I'm sorry to say.
Just listen to me," he begged in a whisper
"Your mother don't know but that girl is your sister."

Now my cousin twice removed and of little education
ran to his mother in sheer desperation.
"Oh mam," he cried "I'm going off my head,
I can't marry that girl, she's my sister, Dad said."

"There, there," said his mother "Don't you fret my boy.
What I'm about to tell should bring you joy.
You can marry that girl. Go on, off you go,
cause your daddy aint your daddy but your daddy dont know."

Tracing my ancestors was a pleasure for me
although I have to admit there are some oddities.
But a lot more surprises I'm sure to get
I haven't even started on my mothers side yet!

Copyright; Rebecca Stone
Email: enquiries@chantelleukltd.co.uk