Introduction

There is a fundamental difference in the way that men and women view "having a party". To him it's an expectation of fun. To her it's a compulsion to clean the house.

Visitors

It's always a priority. "You'll have to mow the lawn."
She has this wild fixation and it runs from dusk to dawn.
I can depend upon the edict when visitors come round.
She thinks that all they come for is to look around the ground.
"You'll have to mow the lawn today. They're coming here next week.
And we couldn't have them thinking that our garden is off peak.

"And we should get in and wash the walls and sweep the spider webs
Can't have them thinking that we're just a pair of country plebs."
"There's that crack out in the footpath and my friend can catch her shoe.
I wouldn't like it if she did that. Will you fill it up with glue?
And while you're out there cleaning up to make a worthwhile session
Just trim the branches off that tree. It'll give a good impression."

Now what all this stuff has to do with having friends come over
To have a beer and spin some yarns and clear up the old pavlova.
Is a mystery. The female program is to clean and mow and polish,
When their friends come round to have some fun and a tin or two demolish.
To understand just what goes on with the females of this nation
It seems to me that all us men need genetic alteration.

Last week, I'll tell you this without exaggeration,
We had a show on here in town - some sort of celebration.
So Her Ladyship decrees she won't enjoy the fun
Unless we take the blankets off the bed and we'll wash and iron each one.
Her reasoning is so obscure I've learned to quietly smile
And tell her that I do agree and with her and I'll walk her country mile.

Now the house is clean, the cobwebs gone, the mossies very small
Appreciate the freedom from the webs upon on the wall.
They whine and sting and raid each part that is exposed
So we're covered now with spray on Rid and some stuff that's 'on the nose'.
"My Dear," I say, "Why don't we now invite some people round
To drink a bit and sing some songs - those new people that we've found?"

"I just don't know what you expect," she curtly says to me
"I've worked myself right to the bone. I'm as tired as I can be.
I just want some quiet time now to sit and watch the trees
I think I'll do that exercise recommended for my knees."
The house is clean, the blankets washed, the trees all trimmed and neat
The lawn is mown, the path is swept. No wonder that she's beat.

Copyright; Tom Hampstead
Email: tomhampstead@hotkey.net.au