When Audrey Met Henry

Audrey was a spinster with a 'man hunt' on her mind.
She'd set her eyes on Henry, just moved in the flat behind.

Unpacking all his crates, he hoped to live a peaceful life,
He had good looks, great charm, fine wit, much wealth, alas no wife.

Now Audrey had a figure full and, even in the cold,
She wore a low cut dress, the gospel look: low and behold.

When she saw Henry moving in, her eyes lit up with glee.
She said "I hope when he's moved in, he makes a move on me!"

Well Audrey tried out every trick she knew to catch his eye,
But Henry was oblivious to every trick she'd try.

He didn't even know she breathed, despite her bold advances.
She said "I'll seek my mum's advice to help increase my chances!"

Now Audrey's mum was very old, and deaf, and grey of head,
And half her innards started life as parts of folk now dead.

And even though she rattled from the pills she took each day,
Audrey's mum was full of guile - in a forgetful sort of way.

She said "Now Audrey if you want a husband, don't be flummoxed,
The way I won my seven husbands hearts was through their stomachs!"

Well Audrey hit the pots and pans with lovesick feverish zest.
She cooked up all the treats she thought that Henry'd like the best.

Hot apple pie, jam rolly-polly, home-made rocky road,
Her sponge cake rose to perfect height, her dumplings overflowed.

She wrote a note; "Dear Henry, I've been cooking since day start,
So come on round this evening if you want to try a tart!"

Well evening came and Audrey had the table set for three.
She also asked old mum along to act as referee.

At six o'clock, they heard a ring on Audrey's front door bell.
She opened up and in came Henry dressed up like a swell!

They sat for tea and Henry ate so much he popped his vest.
He said "Of all the puddings I have tried, yours is the best."

A splendid night was had by all, and when good-byes were done,
Unto her mother Audrey said "His heart's as good as won!"

At bedtime, Audrey dreamed sweet restless dreams like ne'er before,
With Henry with a mouthful of her cup cakes crying "MORE!"

When morning came and Audrey woke, she noticed, by the gate,
Henry, there, with all his things all packed up crate by crate.

She cried "What have I done for our romance to be so fleeting!"
She simply had to know if it was something he'd been eating.

She ran toward him screaming "Henry wait!" Without a doubt,
The way she ran, low cut and all, she nearly got knocked out!

She finally reached him sobbing. Henry said "Don't be so sad,
Your mum's just made me husband number eight! Just call me Dad!"

Copyright; Wes
Email: ditty@whitsunday.net.au